Hi, so maybe just venting is what I need at the moment, 10 years ago, I
used to feel empowered, happy and had dreams to take a flight, as each
year progressed, each and every dream and goal I had got stood and
rubbed into the ground, now in my 30’s, ...
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Hi, so maybe just venting is what I need at the moment, 10 years ago, I
used to feel empowered, happy and had dreams to take a flight, as each
year progressed, each and every dream and goal I had got stood and
rubbed into the ground, now in my 30’s, I feel defeated, mentally
exhausted with no real prospective or direction for my future. On top of
having PTSD/GAD and Depression, I also have Autism, wasn’t diagnosed
into my early 20’s however I didn’t let that stop me, I thought if I
asked for help, I would receive help and it didn’t seem much that way,
as I was actively looking for work I have been through at least 10+ jobs
in my life, and I would be tempted to say 14+ and I haven’t held down a
job for more than 6 months. I’m climbing a 80 degree road that seems
impossible to achieve with no to little support surrounding me. I am
150kms away from my nearest family, I only have 1 immediate family
member, I have access on the NDIS, however, I exited out of my support
co-ordinator after a “better” company had a vacancy where I was given
falsified information and there was no position available at all, I am
not settled with a support worker and have been through many in my
approaching 1 year since being on the system, the support workers whom I
have bonded with, all disappear in the end, which makes me want to care
and connect less to prevent hurt. I have no pets, I am not dating, I
have never been married, I have had 1 boyfriend 11+ years ago and
haven’t found anyone since despite being on multiple dating apps, I’m
also a demisexual so connecting with people by face along has been
challenging for me to say the least. I recently created a video sharing
about my mental health journey to an online community, however those
that I valued as my friends didn’t respond whether it be via the video
or sending me a private message etc, its gutted me so much, on top of
the worries of a life that I live on Groundhog everyday, I seem to find
no way to break out, with little support. Besides all of this, last
month, I had 3 bouts of news happen within a 4 day time span, my job
went from suspended to being let go (cause of some stupid choices that
employees made from the company I worked for), to not being reached out
by a lawyer about some personal stuff as well as finding out that I have
additional family in another state and I have no way to get over there
without work. I’m at breaking point, I truly have nothing to wake up to
every morning. Thanks for listening.