Struggling to cope... want to stay in bed all day and binge tv

[Brooke_K]

Hey Guys

Long story short, I have had depression before (though am not sure if it was mild or not), used to self-harm and saw GP. Was never in therapy or meds but managed to get back on track using this 'life alignment' thing the doctor did, after a good year of working at it. This was in 2012.

I often fall into depressive states, but they usually only last a day and then I am back at it with my usual motivation. However, I am really struggling this week.

My partner is away for work for 2 weeks and won't be home in a while. I recently started watching anime and since he was away I started to binge watch in bed. Long story short, I watched 500 episodes and completed a series, watched 2 movies and 63 episodes of a new series in the span of 3 days. I didn't leave bed unless I was going to the toilet, I ate only 2 pieces of toast one day and 4 the next and a breakfast biscuit on the third. I didn't have a shower, I didn't even change clothes.

My muscles were in so much pain from just laying on my sides all the time it made it hard to sleep. I stayed up until 6 am one night then slept until 11. My whole life is falling apart and I don't know how to pick it back up. I am a uni student and still have until the 30th before school starts. I want to keep writing a book I have going, but I am struggling to even hold it together.

Finishing the anime series has made me feel worse like I have lost a part of myself. It's like I convinced myself for 3 days that was my world and heading to work last night (night filler, 3 hours easy work) was like a bucket of cold water on my face that the world is shit. It's so annoying because I like these adventure shows where they work hard and train hard for rewards but I can't even leave the bed. Now I am binge eating one meal of McDonalds or dominoes a day and eating nothing else all day.

I managed to get up today but I still haven't gotten dressed and I really just want to go lay back down. I have no friends since we moved here recently and my partner is two hours away. I was at work and was coming up with excuses to go home, like saying my dad was in hospital. I know I only do that when I am super depressed. I was on the verge of tears all night and it was so hard to keep it together even though it's such a short shift.

I feel like if my partner was home I would probably get it together because he would be like let's get out of bed and have a shower, even if that was all I did. But I can't gain the motivation myself.

[Peppermintbach]

Hello,

I hope you don’t mind if if I extend a friendly and caring welcome to you to the forums...

You sound as though you’re feeling drained, frustrated, discouraged and down. I hear what you’re saying about the lethargy and struggle with motivation...that must feel so disheartening...

I wonder if you’re lonely too. I know you have your partner but not having friends after relocating must be hard...maybe that’s partly why you want to move back home (on top of the feelings of depression).

I know you’ve seen a GP in the past but I was thinking maybe you would like to consider seeing one again. You’re clearly struggling and I feel you so deserve some professional care and support.

Sorry if I’m telling you things you already know but if you make an extended appointment with your GP and ask him/her about the possibility of a mental health care plan. The care plan entitles you to a certain number of Medicare rebatable psychologist sessions. I was thinking maybe you might like to consider therapy...

Speaking of which, as you’re a uni student, there should be free counselling services at your unas well. Perhaps you might like to look into that as well...

Anyway, I commend you for reaching out here. You’re always most welcome to write any time 🙂

There’s no pressure or rush to write again but if you’re feeling up to it, it would be great to hear from you again.

Kind and caring thoughts,

Pepper

[Isha7]

Hi Brooke,

I read your post and just wanted to say hi. It's good that you can acknowledge how you feel and recognise that it's not how things should be. It's really easy to fall into that pit of depression when you're alone, and it's like a horrible vicious cycle - when you stay in for days and don't leave the house, you feel worse and the worse you feel the less you want to go out or do anything...and like you said, you just need that someone else to help you out with the first step, like having a shower (which you never want to do when you feel so low, but always feels that tiny bit better after).

I agree with Pepper, you should try and reach out for some help from a professional but I understand that that's hard too. I always find the sunshine always helps - even if it's not going out but just opening the curtains/shutters and letting the light flow in. I hope you find your motivation again soon.

[MrsCam]

just want to say "I get it" you could have been describing my life this past week... no advice to give but wanted you to know you are not alone