Struggling at the moment with my family

[Fellindown14]

Hey, i'm a 14 y/o male and ive been feeling like nothing is going right lately. My mum has been yelling at me for not going to school as i have no motivation to ever do anything. She think yelling at me is gonna solve everything and its just making everything worse and its a repeating pattern.

 My older sister,  27 y/o is one of my favourite people but lately it feels like she's been hating me. We've started to hang out less and less and it feels like she doesn't like me at all anymore, barely talking to me and when she does talk to me it feels like she's against me.

My other sister, 17 y/o is going through her own stuff, which i get, but she's always hates me for no reason. she threatens me all the time saying she'll bash my skull in, stuff like that. i've given up trying to talk to her as she's only nice when she needs something. Her comments are always rude and snarky and make me feel like a horrible person and makes me hate myself. she says i'm always on my devices, but the only reason that is is because whenever i try to talk to them they either ignore me completely and leave me out or throw rude comments at me until i end up going back to my room and crying myself to sleep

. My younger sister 13 y/o and is basically the same as the 17 year old sister. She always comes into my room t annoy me and i scream at her to get out. and no one in my house does nothing about it, its gets me so annoyed to the point i start crying because it feels like no matter what i do no one ever listens to me or cares about my feelings. When i go into her room to hang out with her and make amends, she'll get angry at me and tell me to get out, and suddenly everyone in the house only cares about her. just the other day i was yelling at my sister to leave me alone as she kept barging in my room and being annoying, and my useless mother who never GAF about me chose her side saying I shouldn't be yelling.

My mum says if i continue to not go to school shell send me back to my dads who I hate. ATP I'm debating whether or not to go with him and just run away while I'm either there or while I'm living here. Being homeless is hard, but is it harder than the social and emotional torment my stupid family makes me feel every day? All of this pressure with my family is getting really bad. It feels like the only people who are her for me are my friends, and i don't tell them everything. I'm scared ill overshare and they'll use it against me in some way.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

It is courageous to write in. Many young people read posts like yours and learn how to deal with issues.

Family relationships are like the ocean tides, they get close then they drift away and repeat and repeat. Whenever you feel they are drifting away then also say to yourself "its only temporary, they will return closer maybe next week or next year. Some siblings arent close at all in teenage years then 10 years later they are. Everyone in life has their own battles to face, we dont walk in their shoes so we cant even imagine what life is life for them and they often have frustrations of their own like friendship tensions and different education problems so we can only show empathy when we learn of their struggles. Eg if your 17yo sister is upset, try to ask her if she is ok. She might need your ears to tell you of her issues rather than just feeling your own problems. This empathy will develop and you will be adored more when you develop that level of kindness.

It also sounds like you need to remain more separate to your sister, give her space. We all like to get approval from our family and friends but that isnt reality. Just because they are family doesnt mean you automatically are compatible fully so at your age and with your issues it might be wise to focus on your school work in your room more often and when you come out for meals and Tv you be there only briefly. Clear your head by going for walks... essentially have less expectations of them to accept you because of them balancing their own problems. Besides, it is true that its common that youngest in the family is the one that cops the abuse, its like they are where all the frustrations are dumped on. So the less you try to mingle the less that can happen. It has nothing to do with love, all to do with what tolerance they have.

It doesnt sound right that your mum threatens to send you to your fathers house. That fear would be hurtful. 

Is there a counsellor at school? Is there an auntie or uncle or someone you can share your problems with? 

You are wise not to discuss intimate details with friends, well done there. 

Can I suggest future thoughts on looking for part time casual work? That would distract you from family squabbles, give you income, start a working resume and take you away from the family home more. All positive things. 

I hope that helps.  Reply anytime  TonyWK

[trying_my_best]

Hi @Fellindown14 

It sounds like you have a lot going on in your home life. I am sorry to hear that. It can be hard when the people who are supposed to support you the most either struggle to convey that support in a way that make it feel like it should or when they just don’t get it. 

I commend you on your courage to come to this forum! It’s an amazing thing! However, I was wondering if you have thought about seeing your school counsellor? When I was your age I also was going through a lot but when I started seeing the school counsellor I started to feel more motivation to go to school and they helped me with that but they also helped me in general. The Community Champs are always here to listen whenever you need if you feel like school counselling isn’t an option for you just yet. 

Wishing you the best 🫶