SSRIs and Infidelity<br />

[dew]

 I (F21) have been in a long term relationship with my partner (M26) for 3 and a half years. We have bought a house together and were looking to get engaged later in the year. I have been on antidepressants most of that time but around 6 months ago, the psychiatrist I was seeing kept upping the dose of the medication I was on to the highest dose someone can get prescribed to. I have been on this dose for about 4 months now. I am a short and small girl. I gained about 15kgs on this medication.

I also got prescribed to several other medications.

This has made me emotionally numb.

I now have no feelings for my boyfriend and when he traveled for his mum's surgery back home, I slept with 4 different guys in 3 days, since I didn't feel I had love for him and didn't enjoy being intimate for him anymore for about 2 months. I slept with them not because I wanted to find another relationship but rather because I had no self worth and just wanted to feel something.

He still really loves me and I feel I do love him too but it is just numb. Everything is numb, including my feeling towards my parents, friends and other social groups.

I found using illegal drugs every day in extremely high doses would be the only way I would feel things.

My daily routine would be to sleep until about 2/3pm and then go to work if I felt like it, otherwise I'd call in sick. I would then just use drugs, then spend all night watching YouTube videos until I fell asleep. On the night he caught me cheating, I had been using drugs just to feel something, because I didn't regret it or feel sad about it.

We both really want this relationship to continue and he is prepared to forgive me but recommends I lower my dose and follow up with another psychiatrist.

We are now back to our home town. At the moment, I am in my country with my family and he is in another city with his family. We want to work on ourselves during this time. It is really hard to seek for professional help at the moment due to the lack of health care in my country. Since I live in a small town, there is no psychiatrist in my hometown. I cannot go to bigger city since I am on quarantine. People see mental health differently in my country too.

Would this numbness be because of my antidepressants?

TLDR; I don't feel like I love my boyfriend anymore so I cheated on him with 4 guys during one night stands

[missingpuzzlepiece]

Hey dew,

The emotional response while on SSRI's does flatten, instead of peak and troughs, the fluctuation more like a wave. Normally we experince emotional changes as quick peaks and drops, now you slowly rise, slowly drop. That feels like you are numb, it drives you to extremes to feel those peak happiness feelings. Simply reminding yourself of this might help ease that empty or numb feeling

No one here can give any advice on your dosage, that is a medical decision and needs to know your full medical history. However, 4 months is long enough to know if a dose is working for you or not. Compare yourself to the last dose, is it an improvement? if not talk to your doctors, start with your GP1. change of psychiatrist 2. your dosage level. Please include explaining your change in beahivour, it is actually classed as self harm/risky beahviour. Standard warning, never change the dose yourself.

Smoking is a simple thing, it makes you feel good, takes away the constant negative thoughts and is purely an escape to a better place. However, it can effect the SSRIs, you are putting in a mix of depressant(green) and the anti-depressants. They work in different ways, so it isnt a cancelling out issue, its a mix of the two causing two different reactions. I don't think there are any studies on this but it is never wise to mix excitory (SSRI) drugs with inhibitory (green) drugs. Are you going to stop it entierly? Of course not, but just make sure your GP and psych know when they are prescribing you, that is really important.

I got confused at the end, are you in Australia? because you now have access to telehealth, meaning a phone call or videochat with GP and pyschs can be done. Also ask about a DNA Dose test, it will tell you what SSRI's are best for you, everyones is different. SImple blood test, results take about a month. It reduces the hit and miss of trying different SSRI's and dosage levels

Last but not least. You know how you feel about what you did, you know why, desperation to feel, its a powerful driver. While it is no excuse, if it comes up again just call your man or txt him, remind yourself, that you love him. Let's not dwell on it, it is between you and your partner, he is givng you a huge amount understanding, so take that as dealt with, dont repeat it, love him lots, cos he obviously loves you lots too

First, tell you boyfriend what your plan is, second, call your GP, the steps to follow will fall into place

[Curleee]

Just a query, cos I got confused reading....

At the end of your message.... after TDLR, you said you dont love him? And then in thr other part od the article you said you love him and want to work it out

Are these mixed statements part of ur mixed mind around things, or have I misread part of it?
Thanks