Sorry

[JacintaMarie]

Hi

How are you? Sorry for coming here again.

I need to talk, I was going okay this morning.

I should be happy, as I got a job & getting paid, but my job, the management doesn't really do anything. We've had no good changes, just staff movements.

It's because of money, we don't have the money to do stuff. I don't know how other places do it.

Getting angry, & have admitted it, which is good. And the type of people they are, they're not proactive people, so they're never going to do it.

But my brain still doesn't get that & I get upset.

I wish I was like the other staff there & who don't give a s*** & just want to be paid.

I don't even have proof that our management is abit hopeless, just my gut feeling. It doesn't help, that they act nice, so it makes me feel worse, they're unproductive, but they're nice. 

Having a cry. Am looking for another job, hopefully somewhere where they give a s*** & actually want to work & do some progress & change & evolution 

[JacintaMarie]

Hi Croix

I do think its me, too, the book said, you need to take responsibility/fault. All the team leaders, I think they're crap,but as Mum says, it must be me, I know a couple were learning, but it was the way they reacted and spoke.

Also too, I've been comparing them to my old manager & getting angry & annoyed at them.

Funnily enough, when I've accepted they're not like her, I feel better, she was a doer & cared about helping the students.  The ones now, they're not doers & just I guess "good on paper" - they're just clicking yes to the director, to keep them happy. 

I don't know about managers, but they fo need to be doers, & think of future.

But again, they're not doers. Sooner I accept that, the better I will be.

I was stupid in wanting the place where I work to be dynamic & top notch, its enough to just have my house & garden good.

Though I did read about multipotentiality.

[Croix]

Dear JacintaMarie~

You sound more settled and at peace than before and I"m glad. Realizing that some corporations and firms are staffed with  those with no vision is a big step, it takes the weight off you and places it where it belongs. If they cna't handle innovation - well so be it, their loss.

The face you do think of innovations is a huge plus, and I'm sure one day you will find a niche where that is encouraged and appreciated.

In the meantime the smaller world of you and you house and garden can be satisfying.

As I told you, it is too easy to blame yourself when in fact it is an illness placing thoughts of worthlessness in your head. I was in that trap for many years, but not now. Sure I take responsibility if I do something wrong, or make a mistake, but have confidence it is me no more often than others, it's a balance.

Do you have any plans for your garden?

Croix

[JacintaMarie]

Hi Croix, 

Thanks, am slowly getting peace, but its amazing how comparing two people can do it. I do feel better, now I'm not expecting them to do anything. 

Hopefully I can keep at it.

Garden I put border up to stop mulch on path. 

I should have realized what kind of people they are 

Oh, I try not to act like this at work, though its hard having "two faces" but necessary, as I can't tell them the truth.

Best thing is to try to lrave

[Croix]

Dear JacintaMarie~

Sometimes it is better to have low expectations of particular people, when you realiseit is them, not you, then one does not need to fret over their actions.

It's not really wearing a mask, just behaving at thier level at work and being yourself at home and other places. 

Putting a border round beds can be a good idea, I'm afraid in my garden once you tidy up the mulch several small birds scratch it all up wiht bits flying everywhere as they dig and  go down for worms and insects. They have a fun time:)

It's amazing how much mess one small bird can create.

Croix