Im 39 have 2 children.
Pretty ordinary child hood, got pretty physical at times.
Was married for 11 years. Divorced around 8 years ago. I was undiagnosed at that time and became increasingly worse towards the end so i became too hard to live with she had an affair.
That broke me mentally, left me financially crippled. Lost a high paying job due to my in ability to function.
Spent what ever money i had from the settlement drinking and partying my life away like i was 21. So I was now, divorced, unemployed and broke. A real triple threat.
Wasnt until i was threatened with not seeing my kids I sought help.
Things turned around. I met my current partner was up until recently nearly 6 1/2 years.
But then all my ugly traits came rolling back in. Terribly insecure all the time, drinking way too much when out, the constant need for attention or validation. The worst of all the impulsivness. I cheated.
She never really got over it I guess, but we pushed on. Things havent been great last 12 mths. Virtually zero intimacy, confidence and self esteem at an all time low. I was so lonely. Was out a few weeks ago, same story way too much to drink, felt top of the world and i kissed someone.
Had no plans to, didnt even think about it. I was getting some attention and there it happened.
So now I'm living in an apartment. Doesnt like like i can fix this.
Im starting to think im just a horrible person in general.
