Sick sore and flat as a tax

[Lovedmum]

I feel really silly bothering everyone but I’m so depressed! I’m on a fair amount of medication but can’t seem to get out of this horrible feeling 😔 I’m just about to take another week off work to just function! I’m really scared and alone atm as I feel so very ashamed of my condition. But I need to reach out as I’m very physically unwell now as I have lost so much weight which makes it all so much worse for some reason?

I’m just lost that’s all, I know I’ll feel better soon but I’m so so sick of this depression popping its ugly self in my life when it wants! The anxiety is crippling first, then the flat mood follows, is this common? Thanks guys for giving me the opportunity to connect to others

[Croix]

.Dear Lovedmum~

I'd like to welcome you here to the Forum where you can see how others have coped with similar things.

Yes for some people there is a great deal of anxiety and that can be followed by feeling flat. As you have difficulties trying to get to work just to keep going and have also lost a lot of weight -which is very worrying - I'd strongly suggest you go back to your doctor and say your current medication is not working and both you feelings and weight loss need reexamining.

Being scared is normal, I was too, after all you do not now what is going to happen. Even so there is no need at all to feel ashamed, you are suffering symptoms that make you think and act as you do. This is not your fault. True it took me a long time to learn it was not my fault either in similar circumstances, however eventually I realised it was the illness putting thoughts int my head.

Is there anyone in your life to support you ? A family member or friend perhaps. Either with help around the house or simply to listen and care? It can make a difference.

If you would like to let us know how you go that would be great

Croix

[Eagle Ray]

Hey, welcome Lovedmum,

I'm so sorry you are going through the awful feelings. It is really good to reach out for connection at such times so well done for posting here. Is there anything particular you can identify that worsens or triggers the anxiety and depression? I know it can feel really amorphous and confusing sometimes.

In my own experience I also find that anxiety often precedes depression. I've found the anxiety is like the fight-or-flight response where I am continuing to try to function, make my life work etc but finding it stressful and trying to push myself through. And the depression is like the freeze/collapse response where it is all too much and I reach overwhelm. It's like my body then just shuts down.

In recent times I've also been really impacted by perimenopause symptoms which triggered the worst anxiety and depression I've ever experienced. But I've found a good hormone specialist doctor and I'm now on hormone medication which has led to a huge improvement in my mental health. The only downside has been a histamine intolerance I've developed that it can cause, but I'm working on that. I just thought I'd mention that in case hormones are in any way connected to your own experiences, but they might not be.

I've found the more I've been able to understand what my body is doing and why the more I've been able to make sense of things. Anxiety and depression are not easy things to deal with as they have a life of their own, but I've come to see how they are often trying to protect me in some way. In my case, these self-protection responses and patterns go back to childhood experiences and adaptations. As I realise that my nervous system is trying to help and protect me, I'm able to somewhat de-escalate the hypervigilance that often sets off the anxiety and then I can start to change the patterns.

Do you have any supports, such as a psychologist or counsellor? I've found calling helplines can be helpful too. There is the BB Helpline 1300 224 636. I've called Lifeline too on 13 11 14 when I've been in a really tough spot, plus some of the others. I've found just chatting with someone can help to de-escalate things a bit, especially if you get an empathic person who is attuned and present with you. It can help you to feel less alone.

Feel free to continue chatting. Also, I just thought I'd mention that the BB forum rules don't allow the mention of medications so just a heads up as they might email you about it. It's ok to say meds or antidepressants. I hope you can start to feel a bit better soon. Take it really easy with your extra week off work and allow yourself to rest and hopefully find some self-soothing activities that help you to feel better.

Best wishes,

Eagle Ray

[Lovedmum]

Hi guys thank you for your responses, it was nice to wake up today to know someone’s there and listening. 
I have made an appointment with my doctor in a week so hopefully she can assist. I’ve been going thru menopause as well so am grateful I’m on hormones! 
I think I need to reassess how I think in the mornings maybe? I feel like I’ve tried everything to get well and still the same. Time will help I suppose! I’m trying very hard guys to keep my head above water. I do have a lot of stress atm, relationship issues and an ex husband who still lives in our home after 4 years of separation and is being horrible about the settlement so do have a lot going on I suppose. My son told me today that I’m not letting anyone down and o deserve to be happy, I wish so much I could snap my fingers and change lol but sadly no. He is a great support for me, 28 and has his head together, more than his silly mother. Thanks for your support guys I really appreciate it so much! 

[Eagle Ray]

Hi Lovedmum,

I’m so glad you have the support of your son. He is so right, you are not letting anyone down. I think we can be so hard on ourselves at times when we are absolutely doing our best.

I’m so sorry you are dealing with challenges with the marriage breakup and settlement. I imagine that would be so draining and would have a significant impact on your mental well being.

It will be good to see your doctor and let them know how you’re going. Let them know you’re really struggling. I wonder if some sort of morning ritual may help, even 5-10 minutes meditation or just sitting outside with a cuppa if it’s warm enough? I had a rough morning this morning and I’m also trying to find ways to deal with those mornings I wake up not feeling good.

Feel free to chat anytime and let us know how you go if you would like to.

Sending you a hug 🤗 

Eagle Ray

[Croix]

Dear Lovdmum~

The last thing you are is silly. In fact looking at the situation from outside I'd have to say you are doing a mighty job coping with a whole set of huge troubles. You struggle but hold down a job, live with depression and anxiety, menopause, have relationship issues and an ever-present ex, not to mention battles over the separation.

It is true your son sounds lovely, and your influence is what made him what he is. You are a very worthwhile person.

Life has handed you a very hart time, yet you manage  - even if it may not feel like it.

Croix

[Lovedmum]

thank you for your kind words, I’m struggling but I’m still grateful to have what I have. We are lucky to have this support so thank you

[Lovedmum]

Thanks Eagle Ray your words are very kind and you sound as though you know exactly how I feel. The mornings are definitely the worst, I’d love to know why? It’s like I have nothing, no energy and nothing to give, I hate it! I know I’ll get better and it’s just a matter of time 😩thanks for your support and time.

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Lovedmum,

It can be hard to know why mornings are hard. With me I think some of it is related to my current medication regime. I also often feel grief then. Maybe it’s that brief quiet time we have before we start the day and it gives space for difficult emotions to rise. It’s happened to me this morning and I realise at times I’m trying to resist or suppress those difficult emotions, and maybe what I need to do is embrace my difficult emotions with love and care. I have no idea if any of that resonates with you but just sharing in case it helps.

Life is sure a challenging journey at times isn’t it 😔 But I think the capacity to sensitively feel things has an upside, which is the capacity to feel and know goodness and love, as well as struggle and pain. I think we can comfort and nurture ourselves internally, a skill I’m only recently learning to do for myself. Sending you much comfort and support. May you have a lovely day 😊

[therising]

Hi Lovedmum

I think it can be so hard to make greater sense of what we're feeling at certain times. If someone came up to us and said 'This is exactly what you're feeling...', we could say 'THAT'S IT, YOU'VE HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD!' and then we could move forward with a greater sense of understanding and a more enlightened sense of direction. Unfortunately, it can take so long to finally work out what it is we're actually feeling.

In regard to waking up with zero energy in the morning, I suppose the questions could be 'Am I feeling the exhausting nature of ongoing anxiety, my mind and body in an almost constant state of hyperactivity? Could I be feeling like I've run a physical marathon through my nightmares? Could I be feeling the exhausting nature of sleep apnea? Could I be feeling the 3rd stage of General Adaptation Syndrome (GAS)? Could I be feeling my body going through a massive high energy shift, which can be exhausting?'. When you consider the amount of food required and the amount of sleep required for a young guy who's going through puberty, the body needs enormous amounts of fuel to cope with such demanding changes. Same can be said for peri menopause or menopause. The energy it takes to reform our body at certain times in our life can be huge.

A depressing lack of energy is definitely depressing. If plenty of high end (non stressful) energy is the feeling of life running through us, not being able to feel life running through us can feel deeply depressing at times. On top of certain factors, incredibly draining people don't help matters. Also known as 'energy vampires', it can feel like they're sucking the life right out of us. Btw, you are blessed to have such a beautiful supportive inspirational son. While you have raised him, allow him raise you. I'm wondering whether he's offered you some sage-like wisdom and guidance in the past that's made some difference to you. I have to say my 21yo daughter and 19yo son have raised me brilliantly over the years, with their insight, inspiration and words of wisdom. They've made a great difference to my mental and soulful sense of wellbeing. I'll leave you with some wisdom once gifted to me by one of my kids. When I once asked 'How can I be a better person?', their answer was 'You already are'. I think sometimes we can forget just how far we've come.❤️