Short sad story

[JSM]

The Plate


Imagine a plate dropping on the floor.
Its broken but the pieces are easy to fit back together with some glue
The same plate is dropped again, not only the glued pieces ..now there are smaller pieces and this time it takes longer after picking up each piece…fitting it back into place.
Not long after the plater is dropped again. There are a lot more pieces…even smaller than before..some pieces need to be thrown away, some are chipped. After a long and tiring process the plate is put back …well kind of. It will never look or feel the same it now has rough edges and pieces missing.
Again not long after this, yep you guessed it the plate is dropped.
The floor is covered in hundreds of pieces. Is it worth picking up and putting together?
It is decided..yep..it can be fixed. It takes over one month but with lots of glue and some paint the plate seems to be restored …It will just need to be handled with a lot more care and definitely not dropped again.
Not even 1 full year goes by when the plate is taken away to a different house. It is continuously dropped on the floor but surprisingly the plate does not break. The glue and paint have worked …so you think.
The plate remains unused until the next year where it is being used for an important event, there are doubts about its use…judgements from other people even; they advise that the plate is not good enough and cannot do the job. The plate is used despite the doubt and lack of confidence.
Not long after the party has began pieces of glass are found on the table..on the floor..pieces from the plate….it was not dropped this time it fell apart on its own slowly but surely before the end of the night millions of pieces of the plate lay scattered on the floor all over the place.. This time there is no hope of putting it back together, even if attempted.
90% is thrown away…the other 10% a small, rough piece is kept for some reason. It is not useful at all. When some pick it up out of curiosity they are cut and hurt by it. Others avoid it completely or try to throw it away.
The piece of the plate is now dangerous. It now has the capacity to kill a person so it is monitored to ensure nobody is hurt…
There is talk of the piece being fixed..made in to something else…But it doesn’t fit anywhere it is useless. What would you do?

[CMF]

Hi JSM,

welcome and WOW, what a way to tell us how you are feeling. If it weren't a tue description I would say what a beautiful piece of writing but I I know you are hurting so much, it come through clearly in your writing. The writing is beautiful, that you feel this way is not.

From your story I gather you are receiving therapy. You say the plate was 'moved to another house' and were then 'used for an important event' and 'made into something else' Do you want to tell us more about what this means? Is it work related, family, relationship? You are not useless, you need some help and guidance after much suffering.

there are many wonderful people on these forums for you, I'm glad you have come here.

cmf

[JSM]

Thank you, the plate is one of many metaphors I use to explain my life. When I talk about myself people switch off and don't listen, that isn't their fault and I don't blame them..using objects instead tends to get my point across though.

I have been receiving therapy for nearly two years including ect.. gave up on my meds and admittedly began self medicating which is stupid because it has only led to more problems.

For along time I didn't get help, I just dealt with my problems on my own until my brain decided it had enough and had a psychotic episode. Family took me to get help, being involuntary and having the decisions made for me was the worst experience. I appreciate all that my treating team has done but my thoughts have become so negative and can't help but doubt them when really they are trying to help.

The important event wasn't so much as event I returned to complete a bachelor degree which I've wanted to do for along time.

Moved -My family were worried about me so a close family friend took me away to spend time at his house. He ruined any progress I had made from being in hospital for over 1 month, the meds and the 12 ect sessions and left me with ptsd.

made in to something else- people say its my thoughts and to 'just change your thinking' 'change your lifestyle' yet until now I have never been the problem, I just seem to always meet or be around people with bad intentions.

I started a course once and couldn't complete it ..returned this year and within 4 weeks I left... Im let go from every job, yet I put in everything I've got. I was let go from a cleaning position ... I wasn't good enough to clean a toilet.

People would ask me to go out and if it wasn't the depression holding me back it was lack of money. My friends stopped trying, so now I have nobody but my parents who are over 60. I don't feel depressed anymore, I feel like I'm not even here.

Some days I'm so happy and full of life but I hate it because in the back of my mind I now it won't last. I haven't been diagnosed but I'm pretty sure I have bipolar. I haven't slept at night in a bed with pyjamas for years..when I do sleep its during the day and jolts convulsions or seizures wake me up.

Really Im just hoping somebody who understands can give their advice on where I can go in Melbourne to seek help.

[geoff]

hello JSM, and I'm pleased that CMF has replied back to you and yes it's a lovely description of events, but when you think of it, it does relate back to a person suffering from depression, who at some stage gets back up on their feet and then tries so very hard to associate back to where they once were, but then has a relapse, and how often does this happen, quite frequently, and that's the sad part to this illness. Geoff.

[JSM]

Having people who support and understand you makes a very big difference in preventing relapse. Glad people are here taking time to do that for one another.

[CMF]

Hi JSM,

Are you still receiving treatment and do you have a good gp? Have you mention to them you feel you may be bipolar? You went to stay with family friend and mention it undid everything and caused ptsd. It sounds like something happened there if so have you brought this up with anyone? If you do not want to mention it here we understand but i sense there is more.

There is a lot of support here for you. I don't really know too much about bipolar but there are threads on the forums which you can search and read if that is any help. One by the beautiful Kazzl is called 'this bipolar life'. you can use the search function in the top right hand corner of the site or probably google it. Also under the 'get support' tab there is a 'find a professional option which may help.

Hope this helps.

cmf

[monkey_magic]

Helloooo,

I loved your descriptive story so much and understand as well because I live it lol..I've been exercising non stop and on medication to help myself.

I didn't like being in the mental health ward, much prefer my freedom and I hope u gain yours.

Sometimes we just have to continue with our injuries and hope we find wellness again.

I sincerely hope that for you talented one. Have you thought of being a writer? You are excellent!!

Wishing u increased self esteem and confidence and spirituality.

Please please never give up...you just never know what could be hiding around that blackened corner. A rainbow perhaps? Sunshine among the clouds? Take your pick, the choice is yours...you are a surviver!!!