Seriously feel like no one can ever help me..

[eunha]

Hi everyone,

Just as the title suggests I really dont think anyone can help me. Ever. Life has been down for the past 3 years ranging from failed relationships, financial problems, family drama and so forth. Nothing has ever been great for me at all. I feel like im living my own personal hell. I moved out of my hometown to get a fresh start a few years back but I was wrong. This insane cloud of darkness always follows me around wherever I go. I look at my bestfriend whom I live with and he’s got it going for him. Picture perfect relationship, little to no family problems, stable job, awesome friends etc. And then theres me. I have no other friends, failed relationships (apparently im not man enough) boring, lost my job again (not my fault but it always comes down to circumstances like right now with Covid-19). It’s tough. I can’t handle it anymore. I can’t sleep, I rarely eat, I started smoking to calm me down which kind of helps me relax when I feel breakdowns are about to happen. I tried seeking professional help but I ended up getting dumb internet mental exercises because my hormone levels are stable and normal. Why is the world against me? I have no clue. I can’t count how many times I’ve tried ending it on my own. I’m so envious of other people. I’m literally living hell on earth. My own personal hell designed to make me go insane. Now I don’t know where else to express my feelings. No one believes me. You wanna know why? It’s because it’s all in my head. Im literally trying my best. Im just not good enough for anything. Or anyone for that matter... I really don’t get it. Nothing goes in favour for me at all. Im so frustrated. I get used by people due to my supposed kindness. And according to my friend I’m not a good person because of my temper. Which rarely comes out but once my long patience is gone I can chew someones head off. Happened when I snapped at him and his friend for not respecting my privacy inside my own house. Im still in the wrong. Im always wrong. Im left handed so maybe thats why nothing is right. In the end im still alone. Theres a huge hole of emptiness inside of me. A void. I can’t care any less about myself anymore and purposely trying to deteriorate myself instead of the easy way out. That way, at least I can’t embarrass my parents when I go. I feel like a shadow. I can only be seen in the light but disappears in the darkness. The listener that no one wants to hear out. In the end, I’ll always be the one that’s forgotten

[Sophie_M]

Dear eunha,

We're sorry to hear what a difficult time you are going through. But it's so brave and important that you've reached out and shared this with us today.

Our support service is trying to reach you by email as we are worried about you.

Please know you are not alone in this and our online forums are a safe, non-judgmental place for community members like you to give and receive support from others who are or have gone through something similar. We're here to provide as much support, advice and conversation as you need.

If you think your at immediate risk to yourself or others, then this is an emergency and you should call 000 immediately. We'd also strongly recommend you reach out to our friends at Lifeline on 13 11 14.

Please check in and let us know how you are whenever you feel up to it.

[Jojomo]

Hi,

I'm new on this forum and saw your post. I am in a similar place. I know how isolating life is when nothing deems to go right even though you try and try and try. I am working through my depression and am not convinced life will get much better but I guess we always have to have the tiniest bit of hope. Maybe it will get better. Maybe my psych is right and life will turn around. Maybe it will for you too.

I know what it is like to feel like you are the one cast as the one in the wrong all the time. I live on my own now because of it. But maybe your friend doesn't see it that way, just maybe they are concerned for you. I know I am saying maybe a lot but you know one certain thing is that you arent alone. We are all here for you. Please, try not to go deeper into the darkness. Have a chat with us. There are people here who care because we know how it feels.