Self Worth

[phoenixstone]

I don't know what to say. I've hit rock bottom. I don't know what to do. I'm gay. I live in a country I feel hates me...at least the government. I can't marry my partner. I've had to quit a job because at staff meetings they talked about homosexuality as a psychological disorder. My next job was worse. At the Christmas part I was called a fag. When I tried to talked to my boss about it the next day, he shrugged it off and says they were letting their hair down. So I quit that profession. I'm at home now. I write in hopes to be published, but the pay isn't regular. My partner is working his butt off to support us both. I'm trying. I'm failing. My family have abandoned me. My friends have abandoned me. I am trying. I just don't know who I am anymore. Why was I born? Why am I here? 

I don't know what to do anymore guys...

[justinok]

Hi mate, I hear you. The less said about the government the better, our civil rights shouldn't be up for a public vote. Not unless I get to vote on having to pay for the education and healthcare of the children I'm not bringing into the world. But anyhow...

Sounds like now might be a good time to start making some new connections. What are you writing about? Could you join a writer's group to make some new friends there? Like you say, your'e trying. Try and put the horrible stuff to one side and focus more on the stuff that's keeping you going. Sounds like you've got a great partner who supports you too. Do you have other couples that you're friends with?

[girlonsafari]

Hi phoenixstone!

I don't really have much in the way of advice (it's not really my strong point), but just wanted to write a message of support. I'm gay too and want you to know that there are people out there who think you're awesome and who think gay people are awesome too! I know it seems like our government hates us but remember that a large majority of people support marriage equality and feel the government doesn't represent their views. I know it doesn't represent mine.

Anyway, just want to put it out there that it will get better and that you're a champion - especially for reaching out for help on this forum - go you!!

[phoenixstone]

Thanks for the reply. I am trying to finish off a novel. I'm also writing scripts for comics, so that brings in a bit of money. I am currently working on submitting poetry. In fact, it's my writing that brought me here because Beyond Blue had said I could submit my poetry on depression on here to help others.

[geoff]

dear Phoenixstone, it's good that you posted your comment.

It's been a huge effort  and in particular by BB, so that the label of depression should be taken more aware of, and not to be considered as taboo, because for many years a dark cloud has been hanging over this illness, so it was pushed aside, and the reason I am saying this is because the gay, bi and lesbians is no different.

So the label of these is still considered as though it should also be pushed into the cupboard and not to be spoken about unless it's only by derogatory statements, which I have no intention of mentioning.

Homosexuality, lesbian and bi has been happening for centuries, and everyone has that choice of what sexuality they believe in, but to be called a ****could be a case where you have been bullied, however I'm not sure if you want to follow through with this.

Many laws have changed over time, where a black guy can marry a white lady, or different origin, and eventually the laws that suit you will become legal. Geoff.

[Mangof]

Hi phoenixstone,

thanks for posting this site is great for letting someone... Anyone know how we are feeling!

just want to encourage you after reading your post I just wanted to kindly remind you that

rockbottom - only way is up from here

cant marry your partner - no but you can love him for eternity until the stupid government sorts themselves out

you quit jobs because THEY didn't deserve you to work for them as THEY Have gay issues

your partner works his butt off to support you - what a gem you have there he must care a lot about you

you write I also write -isn't it great to have time to do what you love 

my point here is sometimes things get to us and we question WHY AM I HERE?

Look and Find the gems don't focus on the dark stuff life is truely beautiful when we have someone that loves us, food and a roof over our heads and FREEDOM to be who we are never apologise for being true to yourself 

smile because you can and rest assure fools roam this earth non of which matter to us

hope this helps

stay happy

Mangof

[phoenixstone]

I live in an area where my partner and I are secluded from the gay community or we find ourselves in situations we don't want to be in. It's hard to find friends with mutual interests. A lot of judgment out there.

[phoenixstone]

Wow. I'm in tears. Thank you.

[Gruffudd]

Hi there,

I'm live and work in Western NSW, a long way from any big city. I have similar experiences to what you describe. For me too there have been times when being gay in this country is hard. What people say does have an impact. I know it is not me or you, that it is them, and that it is sometimes hard to see that you're not alone, there are other gay people out there and people who support us and celebrate us for the people we are. To find them for me oftentimes means finding that mixtape of embarrassing camp music and going on a roadtrip.  

Rob.