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Seeking advice on what to do next.
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29-11-2017
03:15 AM
Hi, my name is Zac and I have depression. Recently my long time girlfriend and I split up due to her being unfaithful and I have not handled it well. It was a very happy relationship and due to this I have stayed very close friends with her. However the breakup has had a large impact on my life and lifestyle. I lived with my girlfriend for close to a year and due to us splitting up I have had to move back home. This wasn't an issue as my parents welcomed me back straight away and had a room ready for me. Although they haven't said anything to me and they keep assuring me that it's ok, I can tell that me moving back into home has been a struggle for them. Due to us being a moderate to low income family, My presence has meant them spending more money in order to support me aswell. Things such as food, hygiene supplies etc have had a bit of an impact on the amount of money spent each week. Although I offer to buy my own food and supplies, they keep assuring me it'll be ok for them. This has had a large impact on my mental health as constantly I feel like i'm such a burden to have in the house, and I feel so bad and sorry for them that all of a sudden I've moved back in and they have had to adjust their lifestyle. Often at night I can't sleep because I feel so bad for them and this has a large impact on me constantly being sad. Due to this, I have lately been buying fast food as an alternative to my parents cooking food for me. In the last month or so, I've noticed a weight gain and this is starting to upset me, and I also have a lack of motivation to go the gym which i used to go on a daily regular basis. Another thing Is that I have all motivation to do anything. Simple things such as going to the shops for example. I don't want to leave my house, I don't want to speak to anybody or do anything, and I dread going to work. When I am at work I'm just as miserable there. I don't know what to do. I went and spoke to a GP who then referred me to go speak to someone at a local mental health clinic, But I found the one on one interaction a little awkward and wasn't sure what to say. It's rare for a day where I don't end up crying. I constantly think about what my girlfriend did to me and I always blame myself for not being better, even though she herself has told me this isn't the case. I'm just constantly sad now 24/7. I'm not suicidal or ever have been, I'm just over being constantly sad. I'm sorry but I just need some help
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29-11-2017
03:55 AM
hi Zac, I'm really sorry that she has let you down by cheating on you, especially after living together, what a huge disappointment and whether you want to stay friends is up to you to decide on, but it's probably not best to get with her if that chance arises, even though there maybe a desire to, mentally you will get upset.
Moving in with your parents is lovely for them to do this, and if they don't want you to provide anything to the table, just go out and buy a couple of boxes of food that they eat, then they can't say no, this will make you feel much better, actually you can order the food over the phone, the big shops will allow this now, plus they deliver.
You mustn't blame yourself for what your g/friend has done, it's in her makeup and the temptation was too strong to have an affair with someone else, there wouldn't be anything you could do,(if you knew, which I doubt)to stop her wandering.
Your doctor has tried to offer help, but have they prescribed medication, and ask them about the mental health plan, this entitles you to 10 free visits to see a psychologist, but before you go or even see your doctor, can I suggest you write down what is troubling you on a piece of paper, and add anything else as you think of it, then hand this over to your doctor, your local mental health counsellor and/or psych.
This is just the beginning so please get back to us whenever possible. Geoff.
Moving in with your parents is lovely for them to do this, and if they don't want you to provide anything to the table, just go out and buy a couple of boxes of food that they eat, then they can't say no, this will make you feel much better, actually you can order the food over the phone, the big shops will allow this now, plus they deliver.
You mustn't blame yourself for what your g/friend has done, it's in her makeup and the temptation was too strong to have an affair with someone else, there wouldn't be anything you could do,(if you knew, which I doubt)to stop her wandering.
Your doctor has tried to offer help, but have they prescribed medication, and ask them about the mental health plan, this entitles you to 10 free visits to see a psychologist, but before you go or even see your doctor, can I suggest you write down what is troubling you on a piece of paper, and add anything else as you think of it, then hand this over to your doctor, your local mental health counsellor and/or psych.
This is just the beginning so please get back to us whenever possible. Geoff.
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30-11-2017
07:38 AM
Hey both & all welcome webs
You sound like a lovely person, so thoughtful & considerate to your parents & still being friends is excellent, takes a certain person to be able to come to that
Darl I'm sorry for your pain, sadly this is a common deep hurt for many, this is why people hold back in future relationships, ripple effect. Shame there's not more honesty around, before things happen.
Often there's a variety of other reasons people stray, & in many situations it's not because of the partner, liked what Geoff said about being in her makeup for one. Valid. Many that stray, it's their own personal insecurities
Geoffs great post covers a lot so about depression, the nature of it coccoons us, I'm learning it's necessary to work through it before it takes you down furthur, easier said than done of course but doable is the key. To do this finding out why she did it, ask her for complete honesty. Yous were happy so it's not sounding like you've done anything particularly wrong. I agree but your call, if she wanted back later you'd possibly have this situation again. Was she sorry? genuinely, the chances are by the sounds yes going by yous were happy
You're quite normal to be feeling this pain and if you can allow yourself time to grieve but work at not letting it affect the rest of your life, work, social, friends etc. That's when the demon gets a tighter grip. Hard but pushing through the darkness is vital otherwise it'll continue to spiral.
Talking to friends/professional help fair enough talking to stranger hard but the beauty of that is often for many it's actually easier, they don't have emotional ties to you which helps them to be more objective. Each time it'll get easier
Their job is to help put coping strategies in place, listen and help put our situations in perspective. They're not there to judge, Be open to what they offer budz 🙂
Positives, You're still friends, loving parents (BOOM) have income, gym
Suggest pushing to go back to gym, excercise is paramount for stress release, good you're crying also release
Stress needs out.
You'll get through this
You sound like a lovely person, so thoughtful & considerate to your parents & still being friends is excellent, takes a certain person to be able to come to that
Darl I'm sorry for your pain, sadly this is a common deep hurt for many, this is why people hold back in future relationships, ripple effect. Shame there's not more honesty around, before things happen.
Often there's a variety of other reasons people stray, & in many situations it's not because of the partner, liked what Geoff said about being in her makeup for one. Valid. Many that stray, it's their own personal insecurities
Geoffs great post covers a lot so about depression, the nature of it coccoons us, I'm learning it's necessary to work through it before it takes you down furthur, easier said than done of course but doable is the key. To do this finding out why she did it, ask her for complete honesty. Yous were happy so it's not sounding like you've done anything particularly wrong. I agree but your call, if she wanted back later you'd possibly have this situation again. Was she sorry? genuinely, the chances are by the sounds yes going by yous were happy
You're quite normal to be feeling this pain and if you can allow yourself time to grieve but work at not letting it affect the rest of your life, work, social, friends etc. That's when the demon gets a tighter grip. Hard but pushing through the darkness is vital otherwise it'll continue to spiral.
Talking to friends/professional help fair enough talking to stranger hard but the beauty of that is often for many it's actually easier, they don't have emotional ties to you which helps them to be more objective. Each time it'll get easier
Their job is to help put coping strategies in place, listen and help put our situations in perspective. They're not there to judge, Be open to what they offer budz 🙂
Positives, You're still friends, loving parents (BOOM) have income, gym
Suggest pushing to go back to gym, excercise is paramount for stress release, good you're crying also release
Stress needs out.
You'll get through this
