Room mate issues

Missberri · ‎29-07-2018

Hi all,

I'm feeling really down at the moment and feel like i don't have anyone to talk to. I'm struggling a bit in a few areas of my life and I guess a lot of it is involving my social anxiety.

For one - I am struggling at work a bit. I started a new job 4 months ago and while it has been fine I've found it hard to build any work relationships. I feel as though I had a lot of friendships in the very beginning but most of those people have now left. It's a very big company that I work in and it's really odd having so many people around and not really having anyone to talk to. I think this is somewhat the nature of my team as when I see other new people start as well I always see them sitting alone, not really welcomed very openly into the company and while everyone in my team is so nice - no one puts any effort in to really involve any of the newcomers. It's been hard as I am a very shy person and I've just given up on trying with the people at my work in a way. So I spend the whole 38 hours each week sitting at my desk alone not really speaking to anyone and feeling really isolated and alone.

Another issue I'm having is one with my room mate. My room mate is one of my closest friends but I am starting to feel really tired of her and have for a while.. This week she invited my ex up so they could see a concert together (as they are also good friends) and I was okay with this at first, but having him here has really started to make me feel really down. He was supposed to leave on wednesday but he is still here and it's sunday. The two of them have been flirting, laughing going out together for food and shopping and I have just been here in the background and crying in my room.

Being around him is bringing up so many negative feelings as he is someone who hurt me so badly over and over again. I have tried to stay friends with him as my room mate still is but this is becoming really difficult. The fact that she is being completely inconsiderate of my feelings really hurts as well. I just don't know if i can be friends with her anymore because this is just for me, crossing the line. I am so scared to lose a friend but I really can't take this.. I haven't felt this down in a while and I just want to move on from my past with my ex. I feel like a complete mess.. completely unwanted, unloved and like I'm not worth the time of day as this is how he made me feel in the past. I feel like I am being the problem here for being upset that he is here but really hurts..

Croix · ‎30-07-2018

Dear Missberri~

Working in a large company with a high staff turnover is very unsettling and isolating, and being on your own like that is a pretty horrible way to be. It's a bit ironic you can see others who have just started and are in the same position. Do you think it might be work befriending some of the new ones as you do have things in common both having recently come on the scene?

As far as your room mate goes she seems either pretty inconsiderate or blind to what is happening. Can I ask if you have tried talking to her about this? It is your home as much as hers and there is no way you should be so uncomfortable and unhappy in it.

I don't think it is a question of losing a friend if you say anything. More like you will find out if she is a friend or not.

By the sound of it you are well rid of your ex as a boyfriend, there are better people in the world, and someone that does suit you. Having your ex around is just about guaranteed to be upsetting. If you are not able to sort things out is it possible to live elsewhere?

Croix

Missberri · ‎30-07-2018

Hi Croix

thanks so much for your response! I actually made a new friend with one of the new girls today and she seems really nice I have befriended a few of the other people who started as well but unfortunately most of them left so fast! I think I am just going to stick it out with how it is at the moment and try to speak with the people who want to and if they don’t I guess that’s okay.

i have mentioned to my friend before that I feel uncomfortable around my ex but I never said I don’t want to see him.. maybe she just didn’t take me seriously and doesn’t know how it’s really making me feel. I will try to talk to her again about it but I don’t know if she will listen.. I think our friendship is on really thin ice at this point and yeah I think if things don’t change I may just have to move 😕

thanks again for your advice!

Croix · ‎31-07-2018

Dear Missberri~

I hope the talk with your housemate goes well, sometimes people can surprise us.

The fact that staff are leaving fast after just joining your organization sounds a bit of a worry. It may explain why your team does not put any effort into welcoming newcomers, they may be used to them all disappearing and don't think it is worth while to keep on trying.

I hope that new girl stays around and you and up with a permanent friend. How do you feel about the place? If there was more social contact there would you enjoy it overall?

Croix