Respite for sufferers

[Cazza65]

Hi I’m new to this forum. I’ve suffered depression for most of my life unfortunately. I recently spent a night in a public hospital as I didn’t know what else to do. Felt I just needed ‘time out’. I sat in the waiting room in Emergency from 10:30am until being admitted to a bed in Emergency @ 4:30pm 😦 I was assessed firstly by the Dr & then a psychiatric nurse. I was moved to another area (emergency overflow) & I was desperate for a good nights sleep but it was extremely noisy in this unit 😧 I got about 3hrs sleep & that was after a sleeping tablet! The nurse saw me again in the morning & he said I would be discharged (which I was nervous about as I didn’t feel like I could go home as I was still in a bad way) as I wasn’t ‘bad enough’ to be admitted to psychiatric ward & I wasn’t a suicide risk. I guess that’s a relief in some way but what I was disappointed with is I felt because I didn’t have a physical injury/illness I was not required to be in hospital .

So, I feel after this experience, there needs to be some sort of respite house for mental patients to have some time out. Not a hospital as such but somewhere quiet, safe & secure. I guess it comes down to $$ & staff etc. not everyone can afford a private facility. Just wondering about other people’s opinions.

PS I am seeing a Psychologist & taking medication. I do feel I’m getting better, but some other people may not be as fortunate with friends/family for support

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Cazza,

It sounds like you have been struggling for a long time, and that things were particularly rough that night you went to hospital. You sound overwhelmed and drained, and I can see where you’re coming from about wanting respite.

Sadly, I think you’re right that the lack of respite (and other mental health related) facilities/services is due to a lack of funding. That seems to often be the case...

I think it would have been awful to have been ushered so quickly out of hospital as well. I suspect it was for a similar reason...hospitals are often underfunded, overcrowded and under-staffed. Nevertheless, I feel it would have been hard on you to have been turned away so quickly...I feel that would been rough...

I think you make good points though, and I agree that respite would be beneficial to many people. It’s good talking to you, and it would be lovely to hear more of your thoughts if you want to share. But only if you feel comfortable doing so...no pressure.

kindness and care,

Pepper

[Cazza65]

Thank you for your reply Pepper & glad you agree with my points of view! 👏 yes it was very daunting/upsetting to be turned away from hospital as I thought that was the place where I needed to get some support/assistance 😦

One of the main causes of my depression is my unhappiness with myself in general (low self esteem) & also unhappy in my marriage 🙄 I’m tempted to separate as I’m not attracted to my husband anymore even though he is a great father/man. We get along well & enjoy the same things, good social life & live comfortably. But after 30 years of marriage it’s just stale now. I’m very scared of the thought of being on my own as we’ve been together since I was 17 (I’m now 53) .

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Cazza,

I’m so sorry for the late reply. I’m here now though and hope you’re still reading 🙂

I feel for you...I think it’s particularly upsetting and distressing when the places we expect help from doesn’t provide that...

You sound very down on yourself. I think having a low sense of self worth can affect a person’s entire sense of being and daily life...I feel that it can seep into so many areas of our lives...

It sound as though you’re questioning a lot of things in your marriage. I sense a lot of inner conflict and indecision...stay or go...reasons to stay married and reason to part ways. I know you mentioned that it has become largely habit and routine now, connected with perhaps some common interests...I know that can feel quite dreary....

I wonder what do you think you would like to do...would you be interested in working on it (e.g. marriage counselling, injecting some unexpected fun into your marriage through new activities) or are you more still in the contemplative/uncertain stage of thinking and weighing up your options?

Kindness and care,

Pepper

[paddyanne]

Hi Cazza65. Your post astonishes me. I know there are plenty of respite houses for mental health and physically disabled people where I live. I don't know where you live, but if you can I suggest you phone your Dr and ask about respite. I can't give the names of the foundations I know that run these respite centres. I know there is a cost involved. I worked for a firm that used to actually transport some clients from these respite centres to their various workshops. I have a feeling that the length of stay is determined by need vs room vs cost. Most of these places are run by paid workers who work to a roster (unsure about the hours). Maybe too phone the mental health unit of your local hospital.

[Cazza65]

Hi Pepper,

so sorry for my belated reply, I’ve only seen this now ! 🤭 I actually think I’m past the counselling stage (we have had counselling in the past) as I l’m not attracted to him anymore sadly. I’m just so overwhelmed with the thought of separating it scares me soooo much ! I guess I’m not used to change & it will be a massive upheaval ! I know though something has gotta give & if I don’t make changes my depression will keep resurfacing as the problems will still be there if I don’t address them.

Thanks again for your message much appreciated.

Kind regards,

Cazza 😃

[Cazza65]

Hi Paddyanne, thanks for your message & apologies for slow reply!

I guess I haven’t investigated or been shown the right options re respite services here of maybe they don’t exist in this state. I will definitely look into it 👍

cheers Cazza

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Cazza,

All good, no apology needed as I understand sometimes replies can take a little time. That’s understandable and perfectly okay. Besides, my current reply (to your reply) is a little belated too 😉

Thanks so much for clarifying your situation with me. I think that I have a slightly better understanding of where you’re at now...

It does sound as though things aren’t quite working out. I think it’s actually not in common for couples to stay together who may not necessarily be in love anymore. But stay together out of a sense of familiarity/comfort and perhaps fear of loneliness/change. Of course, those couples wouldn’t necessarily openly admit that to the world...

Most of my extended family members are in a comfort/stability marriages rather than a love-based marriage. Some of my relatives have expressed lukewarm/indifferent feelings towards their spouses, but stay with them for financial security and because they’re scared they “won’t find anyone else”...they’re not happy but stay for comfort/security.

I do know someone else who separated for similar reasons to you. It was very hard at first for her, and her ex still turned to her initially for emotional support. But after her initial struggles with the separation, things have improved...she’s single now, volunteering a lot, started studying a new course, changed jobs, relocated, etc...her whole life has turned around in a good way 🙂

In any case, I feel for you...I realise it’s a difficult/tricky position to be in. I can only imagine the conflicted/nervous feelings that you would experience...I feel there’s no real right or wrong approach/decision, but ultimately I think it’s about doing what you feel is right for your situation...

I’m sending kind thoughts your way...

Pepper

[Nothappyuni]

Thank you for posting Cazza65.

I can read between the lines in what you have written. I get the impression you have made a decision and you just want someone or something to affirm that what you have decided on, is the right thing.

I thought you were a guy, like me. Unhappy marriage, knew something had to give, unsure of what path to take. I have 24 years with my partner, many were golden, but, it has been dead for a long time. She doesn't want the break up because she has never known what it is to be an adult without me beside her. But she doesn't want to be my wife, just my friend.

I can so associate with those feelings you have, in me it is an urge, no... a need to GET AWAY! Like you, I have a psychologist, and like you, I have been classed as 'basically someone going through a rough patch'. I have kids and assignments that bind me, I fantasise that I will take a couple of days away, camp out, or stay in a cheap motel, but, it never happens.

I am glad to see that there are others like me, and it is especially comforting to see that there are women too. It seems like so many men are here pouring their hearts out and feeling abandoned or alone (Please don't think I am not sympathetic to the difficulties women face).

My studies, and my sessions emphasise the need for people to be good to themselves. If the hospital is not the right avenue, some time out elsewhere? Something just for you, reading a book, watching a movie...

Trust yourself

[Cazza65]

Hi nothappy,

Thank you so much for your reply. Much appreciated.

Its such a hard decision to mad to separate especially as I’ve been with my husband for so long ! I feel daunted & very scared but if I can just find the courage & confidence in myself to make the break I think I will be ok & much happier too. I just think of all the friends who may not support my decision & our kids although they are young adults now.

Hope you can find a way to feel happy too whether it be separating or staying together.

Thanks again,

Cazza