Really struggling

[Dog_mum_52]

Hi all 

In the past few months I've been feeling very depressed, and the last few weeks have been a real struggle. I have nothing to really complain about - I have a loving and supportive partner, a great family, two beautiful dogs, a good stable job and a solid group of friends, yet every day feels like so much effort and like I'll never feel happy again. I've seen my GP , a psychologist and psychiatrist and mixed up my antidepressants, but am losing hope that anything will ever get better. I can't keep going like this- does anyone have any stories of hope to get me through? Unsure what I wanted out of this post, just needed to put down how I feel 

[Bob_22]

Hi Dog_mum_52,

I'm sorry to hear you've been really depressed for the last few months. Unfortunately recovery from depression especially can be a journey. I have major depressive disorder and have had three total episodes in my life. Each episode lasting longer than the previous one. Medication, psychology and exercise is important. There were times during each episode that I thought I would never get better. And this would last for months for me. But statistically and anecdotally it does indeed get better. Maybe not as fast as it should but eventually our mind does heal and sooner than you know it, your pain will be but a memory. Don't lose hope. Distraction can be a great tool to help pass time and stay functional. 

Please keep us updated on how you're going. Feel free to post whatever whenever. Especially if you have any questions.

Bob

[therising]

Hi Dog_mum_52

It's such a tormenting feeling, so many mixed emotions, when you know you should feel grateful for all you have and you do feel gratitude (as much as possible) but it just doesn't seem enough to make up for what's missing. Then you can spend days, weeks or even months on and off trying to work out exactly what it is that's missing.

While I can analyse 'til the cows come home why I'm depressed at times, it always comes down to the same thing - energy. I wish someone had told me decades ago 'It's about the energy and the energy that connects you to life'. Mental, physical or soulful or all 3 combined, whatever kind of energy's involved, you can feel it missing and it can feel so incredibly depressing at times.

With physical, if the chemical energy's not there at levels you can feel,  it's not there. You can have positive mantras taped to every wall in the house, while dragging yourself off the couch to go for some torturous walk around the block, but if you have a physical iron or b12 chemical energy deficiency, you're not going to feel the mantras or the walk in the ways you desperately long to.

With the mental side, if there's one or more belief systems that we just can't let go of which can be stopping some much needed part of us from coming to life (perhaps for the 1st time), we'll not feel a connection to life through that part of us that's chomping at the bit, waiting to come to life.

From a soulful perspective, you can have the most inspiring inner dialogue pop in from out of the blue but if not fully heard or if misinterpreted, it will never sound or feel like inspiration. For example, while we could be sadly thinking 'I don't know who I am anymore', what may suddenly come to mind could be 'You are not who you think you are'. If not heard as a revelation, we would never go on to ask 'Who am I really, beyond my thoughts, beyond all my beliefs?'.

Whether the energy comes about in physical, mental or soulful ways, you can feel it when it comes just as you can feel when it's not there. We are born to feel.

[yggdrasil]

Hi Dog_mum_52,

Sorry to hear you've been struggling. I struggled badly with depression for over 10 years, with multiple hospitalisations. I know what you mean feeling like things will never get better. This was a horrible part of depression for me. Eventually however I made a full recovery. Since late 2020 I have been depression free!

Sounds like you're already doing all the usual things - speaking to your GP/psychologist etc - so wont that here (but it's all important). I was also doing all those things when I was depressed, and while I believe they usually kept the worst symptoms at bay, I could still spiral into deep depressions. The fact I felt I was doing everything "right" reinforced the dark feeling that things would never get better.

I believe it was a few "magic" ingredients, in addition to the essential ones above, that helped me recover. The first was simplifying my life to allow for more private time. I realised I was very sensitive to how other people were reacting to me while depressed, and this was compounding the depression/anxiety. I thus moved out of sharehouse living into a small apartment on my own. This gave me the space I needed to process difficult emotions. Obviously living alone is not an option in your case, but if possible you might consider taking a decent length holiday/trip on your own, or scheduling significant blocks of time each week on your own.  

The second was exploring spirituality. I am a scientist by trade, with no religious family, so this was a strange step for me. However, I'd read a study that said Aboriginal kids had better mental health outcomes when the usual interventions (psychologist etc) were paired with programs connecting them to traditional culture and spirituality. Desperate, I wondered if the equivalent strategy would work for me. I started re-reading all the Norse mythology I read as a kid, then started attending the weekly services of a major religion. The science is pretty clear that cultivating feelings of awe, love, gratitude etc have mental health benefits, and I found these services were a time-efficient way to get a concentrated dose of these things. I'm pragmatic - I just take the parts I like and ignore the rest, but no-one seems to mind!

I'm out of characters so can't discuss final thing, but I hope the above is helpful!