Quit My Job Due To Bipolar And Anxiety But...

[AlysiumDream]

I recently left my job because of bipolar disorder and anxiety but I feel as though I made a mistake. It's an excuse and I allowed it to rule me.

Let me preface this by saying I have been working in CS (customer service) for 20+ years and HATE it but now I am sitting around doing nothing, and I had a job! I stayed in it longer than most jobs and now I ruined it again.

Now I'm broke and unhappy and this stupid vicious cycle keeps turning - I'm putting weight on thanks to the medication and half the time I just wish I could disappear and stop being such a loser...

Sorry, just venting

[Ellu]

Dear AlysiumDream,

No, there is no way you are a loser! I have bi-polar disorder myself, so I understand how hard it is to cope in the workplace and why you finally decided to chuck it in. I put on about 10kg when I was on a particular anti-psychotic but now that I am off it the weight has come off. Perhaps you can ask your doctor whether there is an alternative you can take. If you have to stick with what you are on, then your mental health is the most important thing of all. I know what it is like to look in the mirror and not like what you see, but you are what you are whatever you weigh and you are a worthwhile , unique person in your own right.

Is there any possibility of you finding part-time work? With bi-polar it is important to have a structure to your day - get up at the same time, go to bed at the same time, have a regular routine to follow during the day. Make sure you build in some YOU time each day - whether that is going for a walk in the park, having a coffee, or just sitting and reading the newspaper. It is a good idea when you get up to write a list of things you plan to do that day - that prevents your day from becoming structureless and meaningless.

What about voluntary work? If you live in Victoria google Volunteering Victoria and you will find dozens of jobs (I am sure that other States have similar sites). While you are at a loose end, part-time volunteering could give your life a purpose and meaning and help you feel good about yourself.

To quote a corny proverb, every journey begins with a single step. No, you are not a loser, you are just in a crappy situation right now. Things can get better and they will. We are all here to support you on the community.

Ellu

[Kazzl]

Hi AlysiumDream, welcome to the forum, and please, feel free to vent away!

Now, my new bipolar buddy, if you are a loser, so am I ... and I'm not, so neither are you. I have bipolar 2, I've recently left a job, which I hated, the medications are piling the weight on ... so I get what you're saying and I feel for you. It is indeed a vicious cycle.

Bipolar can be so deceptive - we go through a depressive episode where we can barely function, or a hypo episode where we can't trust ourselves or what we'll do or say. Then we become well again and feel like there's nothing wrong and we should be out there getting on with life. Then the wheel turns again ...

I've realised, now that I'm unemployed, it's very hard to get a handle on it all while we're stressed and working, especially in a job that fuels the negative emotions. Although the lack of income is stressful too, some time out of work can give us the opportunity to stop for a while and focus on our health and managing our disorder. It's a chance to learn, to rest, to think, read and come to terms with what we have.Using time out of the workfoce to take care of ourselves and build our resilience is an entirely valid thing to do, and can help us function better when we're working again. Is this something you could do?

I expect you have already done this but just in case ... find out what you are entitled to in terms of benefits - New Start or disability allowance etc. Put something in place to support yourself, even though it's probably less money than you're used to, at least it will be survival. Or consider working just a day or two a week.

Once you have some financial support in place, use your time to focus on you and getting better. If you're bored maybe consider volunteering - helping others truly is healing for us too. If exercise appeals, maybe use your time to get fit. I'm not such an exercise person but I love gardening so I'm spending a lot of time outside.

I didn't leave my job by choice, I was made redundant. And it took me a long time to get over the anger and fear for the future. Have to admit that sometimes comes back. But now I've settled into being a homebody and focussing on myself and my hubby, I can't tell you what a difference it's made. You left your job for a reason - don't lose sight of that, use it! And don't rush back into what was making you so unwell.

Very best wishes to you and I hope you'll keep talking here

Kaz

[Kazzl]

Hi again - another thing I wanted to mention to you, Alysium and Ellu, is that I have a thread called This Bipolar Life, under the Long-term journey board.

It's a mix - serious discussion on bipolar issues, friendship and sharing daily life amongst those of us with bipolar and people who 'get' us, and a bit of silliness and fun (at the moment we're forming a virtual band 😄).

You are very welcome to join us. I'd love to see you there.

Cheers

Kaz