Depression is a catch 22

[Aziah]

I thought coming to terms with my depression would be a big step forward in recovery rather than ignoring it and spiralling further into an episode. What I've found is the opposite, I have 3 months off and I was wondering if anyone else experiences the same feelings as me. I have so much time on my hands to think, the longer I isolate myself the more unrealistic and unenthusiastic to leave the house I become and thus the more isolated I become. Despite knowing exactly what I can do to alleviate some of the body image stress that contributes to my episode, I can't do it because my depression gives me know energy and fearful of failure. Everyone is all or nothing with my depression- I can't eat balanced it's either trash or starvation, 100% work ethic or nothing because everything that isn't black or white requires too much effort or thinking- depression is making me one dimensional and it is making me resent everybody in my life because everywhere I look everyone is happy and I am struggling

[Ellu]

Dear Aziah,

I read your post about struggling with depression and how it is affecting your lifestyle, and I thought I would give you some tips from my own experience (I have bi-polar disorder). If you are not careful with depression you will end up just spending the whole day in bed, and the days will run into each other and feel eternal. With depression it is very important to lead a structured lifestyle. Get up at the same time every day, go to bed at the same time, and in between have a routine you stick to. You might have a coffee and read the paper, then go out for a walk in the park, then have a coffee out somewhere nice...my doctor calls this Mind Hygiene, keeping your mind on track.

When you wake up you might like to write down a list of things to do that day. Don't forget pleasurable things that you do for yourself. You want to affirm that you are a worthwhile and unique individual worth caring about.

Another thing you might like to consider is part-time voluntary work. Contact your local council or google Volunteering Victoria (or the equivalent in your State). You can do just as little or much as you like, and it great for motivation and getting out of the house, apart from contributing to the community.

The worst thing you can do is shut yourself away in your house and cut yourself off from human interaction. I know when you are depressed (I have been there) it can be a monumental effort just to get dressed in the mornings, but you have to force yourself to take that first step. I promise you, if you take charge of your depression instead of letting it take charge of you then it will lessen - try to overcome that lack of motivation, and structure your day. It does help - I have had bi-polar disorder for 47 years and I speak from experience. Wishing you all the best,

Ellu

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Aziah,

Welcome to the forums and thanks for reaching out. I appreciate you sharing what's going on for you and I'm sorry you're having a rough time right now.

In your post you said "Despite knowing exactly what I can do to alleviate some of the body image stress that contributes to my episode, I can't do it". What is it that that you mean - can do? Have you been told to do certain things?

Depression can look like different things for different people. It sounds like what you're going through is a lot of 'black and white' thinking; i.e. trash starvation, 100% at work or nothing. This takes a lot of time to work through. The diagnosis of depression is simply a name for what you are experiencing.