Proper remote with a 1 year old

Asremoteasitgets · ‎23-09-2018

I live on a cattle station 500kms from the nearest town and have a 1 year old baby. As positive and easy going as I normally am, I find myself unhappy every day or struggling to cope with looking after a small child. I have no energy or motivation for anything. Now that i Am a mum all I am really able to do in terms of work is take phone calls, do bookwork and cook and clean. My partner is amazing and will turn himself inside out to help in any way he can, but has been having a hard time figuring out how to help me, his job is pretty full on on the cattle station and he is out a lot and I am alone with the baby a lot with nowhere to really go as we are so isolated. On top of this my cognitive ability and memory have seriously slipped in the past year to the point where I appear and feel like a proper dumb airhead while just recently I finished my honours in chemical engineering, am young and at the peak of my health. Does anybody have any ideas for strategies or activities that may help me get some motivation and energy happening again? Thanks in advance.

Beetle · ‎23-09-2018

HI

<<>>> I have worked remote. I did not last. I have to say I wasn't married to a farmer but that doesn't matter. 500km away from anything is bloody remote. I was 8 hours inland from the NSW coast and I was at least in a small town with 250 souls. I guess the only option for you is to find as many chatrooms you can find to keep connected with farmers and friends. Skype, phone and FB. Also maybe schedule a regular trip to the coast or the next big city. Not only for shopping but for leisure. I feel you. It must be bloody difficult. also for your husband with the drought an all. I wish I could be more helpful hon. wishing you strength. xx

Croix · ‎23-09-2018

Dear Asremoteasitgets~

Well you certainly are a long way from anything and I guess that breeds extra problems. Just that distance from any help if something went wrong would be pretty daunting, at least for me.

I would think that if a person in the city talked about the things you do then they would go to a local GP and have a checkup, both physical and also for depression or a similar illness. As I'm sure you know quite well having a baby can have a fair number of effects and they realty do need to be examined if things are not going right.

Can I suggest that you make arrangements to see your doctor, even if it does mean an upheaval. Letting things go is what I did in different circumstances it it was a pretty big mistake. I ended up a lot harder to treat.

In the meantime you might like to try an online mental health assessment, there is one at

https://mindspot.org.au

Please understand this is no substitute for a professional opinion, but might point you in the right direction. Mindspot do follow up and are well regarded.

I'm very glad your husband is there for you, it does make all the difference. Taking action may make him feel less worried too.

Please let us how how you are getting on

Croix

Asremoteasitgets · ‎30-09-2018

Thank you for the reply, I do appreciate the effort 🙂

I have been since reading a few articles that talk about post natal depression vs just not enjoying motherhood and I am leaning towards the second option. I think it’s the situation that’s making me feel so down and a bit crazy, I suppose though that can result in legitimate depressed feelings?

I have spoken to some other parents and a kid free holiday for myself and my partner seems like the go to for many. I am writing this for discussion purposes (so silent readers may take note and maybe this will be helpful) as well as to let you guys know how I am getting on.

I wonder if I am going to feel a lot better when I am no longer breastfeeding (baby won’t take any type of sippy or bottle with milk and needs me constantly). I am thinking of pushing for a nanny, however the government made it hard recently, there is a 2 year waiting list for Whats called in home care with their new ‘improved’ program for bush kids.

Don’t get me wrong, I really love my daughter and she is safe and well taken care of with me. But I would just like to go back to work, or not see her for a large chunk of my day. It’s hard when there is no such thing as day care nearby available.

Anyways, thank you, and I am open for others to put their thoughts down also 🙂

White_Rose · ‎30-09-2018

Dear Asremoteasitgets

Hello and welcome. I think this is a good place for you to come and 'talk'. No judgements, just sharing personal experiences which may help given that we are all different.

I think that having just completed a degree in chemical engineering you must a bit frustrated with no opportunity to join the workforce in a job you would enjoy. Children are lovely and we do cherish them. We also have needs of our own and when these cannot be met mom is frustrated and unhappy.

I'm not sure what would help you. Croix has suggested seeing your doctor and that is always a good first step though I appreciate it's not simply popping down the road. Do you have access to a doctor you can talk to via Skype? Not the best solution but it would be at least a partial check-up. However I also feel your major need is not medical and medication may not be possible as you are still feeding your baby.

If you miss the intellectual stimulation would it be possible to complete another degree, perhaps a masters? I appreciate you may not want to return to study having recently completed your degree. Working from home may be an option though I do not know if this is possible. I'm throwing ideas up in the hope that something will click with you.

Do you know your neighbours? Probably sounds silly but I have no personal knowledge of living in the bush. I lived in country Qld not far from a small town so I could drive in and shop etc. But back to the neighbours. Can you talk with several of them via Skype or something similar, and form some sort of discussion group? I imagine everyone is busy so this may not be practical. Do you know any young moms within a reasonable distance?

Being at home with a young child all day on your own could well lead to depression which fits in with being tired and lacking motivation. One thing you could do is to read other threads on this forum and join in the conversations. You are welcome to make your comments on any of the forums/threads. There are some threads under the BB Social Zone which are for general relaxing as well as the others threads people start. We all like a shoulder to lean on at times this may be some worthwhile doing.

Does the uni have online tutors to help students who are struggling? Or possibly mark papers etc. This would give you meaning and purpose. Don't know if any of this helps, I hope there is something that sparks your interest.

Mary

Summer Rose · ‎01-10-2018

Hi Asremoteasitgets

As part of research for a book, I spent time visiting some 30 stations around Alice Springs. I understand the isolation and challenges posed by where you live.

I also happen to be married to a farmer, so I have a good understanding of your husband's work ethic and how that impacts you as a new mum as I was once in your shoes. It's tough.

Others have given you great advice, so won't repeat. Couple of practical things I did to help myself ...

The minute my husband walked in the door from the farm I walked out. Usually took a long walk. Gave him valuable one on one time with bubs and I got a break. Dinner was late but so what?

I used any free time to work on writing a novel.

I formed a lot of connections with new mums. Maybe you could use your radio to talk with others.

I sought medical help. This is trickier for you but I believe a must. If you "crash" the consequences will be more difficult to manage than how you are feeling now.

I invited family to come and stay with us. Temporary relief but helpful. Over the early years my mum, sister and three aunties took up the opportunity to travel from Canada. And I went to Canada for 6 weeks each year. Gave me something to look forward to.

I wish you all the best. Kind thoughts to you