I can’t seem to crack the anxiety that comes with going to work and being responsible.
A little background about me. I’m 23 and have had anxiety/social anxiety/ depression for eleven years, with it’s ups and downs. At the moment it’s very down. My girlfriend of five years requires a constant income of money to pay for her student visa, and obviously needs my help, but I always let her down because I can’t bring myself to work. I’ve been on medication for a year now and I’ll still do anything to avoid the feeling that comes with going to work. I dread every single second leading up to going to work, and always end up feeling trapped and hopeless, usually resulting in tears or risking my position at work by calling in sick at the last minute, followed by a day of never ending guilt. I just can’t do it. I feel sick, tired, unable to put on a customer service mask for hours at a time. Sometimes I even hope something bad will happen to me before I have to go to work, like a car accident, or a sudden medical emergency. I’d rather be in the hospital, sick or injured, than go to work.
I’m stuck in a place of letting my girlfriend down and being scared of my mental health deteriorating even further. I feel at peace when I know I don’t have to work, when I can deal with my depression in the comfort of my home, but working is really taking it out of me.
I haven’t already worked since late July because of my workplace being renovated, but now that’s it’s recently opened back up, I’m due to come in again. If I’m honest, I don’t know if I can handle it in the state I’m in right now. I don’t know what to do.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
