Dear M1yalomui~
I'd like ot welcome you here to the forum, it's a good choice when you feel alone and seem in a very difficult situation.
When faced with blame whenever you ring it says a great deal about your loving nature that you keep doing it. It looks like your sense of responsibility and duty are getting to you far more than is good for you, saying you "hate living in this world."
I don't know your parents circumstances - or yours for that matter -so I really can't comment on that. What I can say is it helps nobody if you become too grief stricken, guilty and lost because of the situation.
So irrespective of what they say your first priority has to be to look to you own welfare. Hating living in the world is a danger signal, one that makes me worry for you as I've felt that way too, and it simply got worse.
Do you have anyone in your life, other family or friends perhaps, who you can talk matters over with frankly and have them listen? They do not have to 'fix' anything, just care about you. Going it alone is extra hard.
Can I suggest you do the same as I did, and seek medical help and counseling to assist you in coping. Once you have matters in proportion and are no longer overwhelmed by seeming impossibilities you may be able ot sort out what is in fact practical and appropriate.
If I have understood you correctly your divorced parents are in Australia and you are the one overseas. That may be both good and bad. Depending on where your are counseling may be hard to get, but on the other hand your parents may have access to social security and other means of support.
If I've misunderstood anything I apologize, however I would think it great if you came back and we talked some more
Croix
