Prenatal Depression & Anxiety

Guest_01804746

TW: Self Harm & Suicidal Thoughts

24F, I have a 4yo, a 2yo and currently pregnant with my 3rd, I’m 35 weeks pregnant. I’ve always struggled with anxiety and depression, it’s only ever internally, I never show it on the outside to my children. This pregnancy has had a lot of anxiety and depression and it’s to the point I have infact self-harmed and have wished that something would happen to me whilst I give birth. I know it’s a horrible thing to think but I’m struggling so bad and my partner just doesn’t seem to understand, he just sort of brushes it off and blames the hormones. I feel so alone, but I’m too embarrassed to get help. His family is so judgemental and they’d probably laugh. There’s never been any thoughts of harming my baby or children. Only ever myself. And along with the depression and anxiety, also comes the guilt for feeling how I feel. I snap so easily at my kids, I shut everyone out. And it’s just snowballing.

white knight

Hi, welcome

Gee, you would feel alone and your depression isolates you-why? Because understanding mental illness comes in several forms- those that share the same illness or other mental illness, those that done but have deep empathy, those that try to understand but dont and those that cant or wont ever understand. Ive experienced all.

Its why we are here, a space where you'll get the empathy and lived experience. We "feel" your pain so much we crave your posts. We are here for you sweet lady.

Of course lived experience has its limits eg I've not been pregnant lol. But I've self harmed, made an attempt on my life and tolerated isolation. Ive also had 2 family members pass by that way and several other members attempted also. I know the depths of despair. So let's see about you.

Needless to say its pointless seeking comfort from hubby and friends and family so, here, group therapy and professional options (via GP)should be explored as a multi pronged approach.

Plus self help by-

Child free Relaxation. Set a daily ritual when hubby takes care of the kids for 1 hour so you can relax preferably away from the house. Visit a friend, window shop etc
Accept depression runs in circles. Wait till it drifts away before motivating yourself
Seek out short articles online about depression and print it out for hubby for basic education
Realise you are loved by others and their naivety isnt a reflection of how much they care
Ask council for home help
Keep regular GP appointments.

Ive got some posts below, just google and read the first post of each

Beyondblue anxiety, how I eliminated it

Beyondblue depression, the timing of motivation

Beyondblue they just wont understand-why?

"20 years after my lowest point, I walked my angel down the aisle..."thanks for making it here today dad" meant everything..."

Reply anytime

TonyWK

quirkywords

Guest,

welcome to the forum and thanks for your honesty. I have had children but not self harmed.
Tony has written a practical supportive reply.

i was ok with pregnancies but when I had 3 under 5 I had no help and felt very alone. I was trying to cope with mood swings . It is hard asking for help. Hopefully people are less judgemental than 40 years ago.

write hear as much as you like.

therising

The warmest of welcomes to you at such an intensely challenging time in your life, in so many ways.❤️

Whether pregnant or not, I've found depression can involve a whole recipe of ingredients. It can be about hormones or other chemical imbalances plus a sense of loneliness while other simply wait for us to 'get over things'(grrr😠) + despair + our partner not doing everything humanly possible to lead us to feel a difference + others finding our state of suffering laughable while judging poorly + looking after others ahead of ourself + incredibly challenging inner dialogue + an overwhelming sense of feeling lost in life and the list or recipe of ingredients goes on. If we were consciously led to list all the ingredients, we'd reach the conclusion 'No wonder I'm suffering so much. It all makes complete sense now'.

From my own experience with depression, I'd say 2 significant keys in unlocking the way forward involve 1)finding people who can feel for us and 2)finding people who are going to wonder with us. The types of people who are going to feel for us are deeply feeling people and/or people who can relate to where we're at through their own experience. Those who are going to wonder with us are the people who don't like leaving us alone to wonder why we're struggling and/or people who just love to solve a mystery (looking for clues to our struggle). Deeply feeling wonder filled people typically make the best guides. Being open hearted and open minded, they'll open their heart and mind while trying to gain a feel for or a sense of many possible ways forward, ways we can't feel or see for ourselves while we're suffering. Depending on the cause of our suffering, such people hold the potential to either raise us to effectively manage the depression we're in or raise us all the way out of it.

I've found there to be 3 types of people and it definitely pays to identify who's who. There are those who we can feel raising us, those who we can feel simply waiting for us to not be depressed and those who we can seriously feel bringing us down. Being a 'feeler' or 'sensitive', I imagine you'll be able to feel or sense who's a raiser, who's a waiter and who's a serious downer. See if you can get a feel for who's who. Btw, I've found the 2nd and 3rd tend to overlap at times. The people who simply wait can feel like downers. And while some folk can't necessarily feel or sense what they're saying to us when we're incredibly down or incredibly stressed, we can definitely feel it. 'You'll be right' or 'You just need to stop overthinking everything' or 'You just need to get over it' or 'You should be able to manage this' not only feels stressful or depressing on occasion, it can also feel unbelievably enraging at times. Btw, I find the people I don't shut out are the raisers. Our raisers, whether they're raising our consciousness or our spirits, become our 'go to' people.❤️