Pregrant and Depressed

[Itsme85]

I'm 13 weeks pregnant with our no 2. Since the beginning of the pregnancy (even before I knew I am pregnant) I've been having a bad mood and easy to get angry, especially with our 4 yo son.

This pregnancy is not planned. We decided to have only one kid, because we have no family or relatives here to help when you need them. I'm a bit angry when I know about the pregnancy, but also excited to give our son a sibling. Husband is happy since he wants big family.

On my 1st appointment to GP, I told her that I feel angry and sad all the time and ask me whether I need a referral to see someone or not. I said, I will try to handle it. 2 weeks ago I met my midwife, and she run a test for me. The anxiety test was fine, but the depression test come as high.

I'm a stay at home mom. I just feel tired all the time. The days just passed without doing anything, then I can't get a good sleep at night time.

I feel so bad because I didn't manage the house as I should do. I just cook because I need to. Sometimes we only do takeaway and feed my family plus the baby with junk food. Sometimes my husband helps with cooking when he has time. He's a taxi driver with long working hours plus he also study in TAFE for cert III. I know he also tired and overwhelm with his own activities.

The worst part is I keep angry to my son for everything. I know it's normal for 4 yo to not listen and you need to repeat yourself 100,000 times. But I don't have that passion anymore. I keep angry and screaming to him multiple times in a day. Yesterday he asked me to stop fighting with him with sad face. I don't want to be a bad mom to him. At night I will hug him and say I love you, but it's not fair for him to get all this anger from me. I can also see that now he's behaviour a bit change. When he doesn't like something he start to clench his fists and grit his teeth.

I don't know what to do. Even when I think about it, I shouldn't complain about my life, everything is good and ok. Before pregnant I do exercise 2-3 a week, but at the moment doctor ask me to not do anything other than light jogging. The exercise before help me to be happy and alive.

Please help me.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Itsme

Welcome to the bb forum and thank you for sharing your story. You sound like a kind, caring and loving mum who is having a really tough time at present. I'm sorry.

I want you to know that you are not alone. Your conflicting emotions about your pregnancy, depression and anger--all of it. It happens more often than you think. A lot of women try to hide it (the Mask of Motherhood is a good read on the topic). You on the other hand are brave.

I think it's great that you have the support of your GP and midwife and that you are honest with them. I believe it's time to take up the GP offer to refer you to someone for professional mental health support. It can get better. You don't have to struggle and suffer on your own.

In the meantime, keep doing the best you can. Four year olds are challenging but try "not to sweat the small stuff". Your son will likely rock on his chair, spill his drink, refuse to rest, etc. It's normal. Let some of it go. Pick your battles.

When you feel the walls closing in on you, shake things up. Take your son to the park, library, beach--anywhere that suits. Just get out, preferably walking which will be good for your mood.

See if you can organise a break for yourself. I know hubby is busy, but I'm wondering if you have family or friends that fould help? If not, and budget allows, I'm sure he would enjoy some time at day care. Even one day a week would give you much needed time to yourself.

Try not to worry about the cooking. Nobody is starving and you are doing the best you can. It's okay for now. You will get on top of this when you can.

Be kind to yourself. Keep hugging your son. Take up the offer of additional help. And I belive you will get through this.

Kind thoughts to you