Hello PLEH, and a warm welcome to the site.
As I'm the first reply to you, I am deeply sorry you have Postpartum psychosis as well as these invasive thoughts and know that you're not alone in a situation like this and do understand how alcohol makes you feel much more comfortable and a reason why people do drink alcohol.
I am not in a position to say whether or not you are an alcoholic but know that each doctor/psych have their own interruption of what labels someone as being one, and the same goes when you ask another person as they have their own understanding, but this isn't necessarily the problem here, it's how to help you with PP or PND.
I also have had PND as my wife (ex) had it with our second son and I was running a family hotel we had just purchased which made both our situations difficult to manage and back then as I hid it, wasn't even offered any medication, my wife was, but refused.
These invasive or intrusive thoughts you can read all about if you type this in your browser or the search bar above and I also have had them as I have OCD, but whatever I thought about has never happened, other people may have had a different experience but have not heard about this, although these thoughts are very disturbing for all of those suffering from it.
Alcohol and PND can be highly related, although I'm not a doctor to make this judgement, just know from experience, and it can make a person go, either way, feel more depressed or perhaps want to work in the garden because it motivates you, just as you have told us.
The question I want to ask you, and only answer if you want to, is what happens if you can't purchase your 6 pack, how do you feel.
I'd really like to continue this conversation so if you want to, please get back to us, and again I'm not having a go at you, as I was exactly the same working in the hotel.
My best.
Geoff.
