Post natal depression

[Hayley123]

Before I start, I don’t want to be refered anywhere. I want someone to listen. I have no one to talk to. I just want to talk.

I had my second baby 10 weeks ago. I feel connected to him. But, I can’t help but feel constantly guilty for my first born. I constantly feel like I’m failing him, not playing with him enough, not giving him enough. When I put more time aside to do things with him, I feel like I’m failing my second born. I honestly feel like I can’t juggle them. Who ever is getting the attention at the time, I feel like it’s not right. I feel like my other kid is then feeling neglected.

I have other things to say but I don’t want to discuss here. I’m affraid people I know might find out I’m feeling this way and I don’t want that. I feel alone and I don’t want people to suddenly care temporarily. Thanks.

[stormcloudz]

Hayley

That's hard, feeling alone and overwhelmed. I haven't had PND, but I was speaking with a friend with two young kids only today and she was talking about the stress of juggling them. I suspect you are not alone in feeling like this, it's just a shame that parents have to pretend that everything is fine.

You have my sympathy, guilt is a horrible emotion I know.

Please feel free to post more if you want to.

[Quercus]

Hi Hayley123 and welcome,

Stormcloudz is so very right. You're not remotely alone in struggling to meet the needs of children. For some reason the topic seems to be "shameful". However when you admit how you feel so many other Mums pipe up that they feel the same.

My two are 15 months apart and it it horrible. There is a constant demand for my care and attention. I feel exhausted most days and have zero patience. Nearly every day I feel useless. And some bad days the thoughts creep in that they'd be better off without me. If you feel like that it is a big warning sign that you need support.

How old is your firstborn if I may ask? The initial stage is the absolute worst. You're so used to focusing on your first born and they are used to your undivided attention. The thing is it is not a bad thing for your eldest to have to learn to share. Share time and attention. But oh my goodness does it feel horrible.

Combine that with PND and it is a recipe for tears and feeling absolutely rubbish as a Mum. But you are doing the best you can. And your eldest will adapt. It might not feel like it but they will eventually.

In the meantime have you got support around you? I found my husband had to help me more with both children. He would rock bub while I had time with our son. And he started taking our son out to new places when I needed time. The outings at first involved a treat but before long he was excited to go with Dad. Is this an option for you at all with any family member?

I hope you keep writing. There is no judgement here. Most of us have experience ourselves and know how hard it is.

You do sound a little frightened of being "found out". Feeling very depressed doesn't make you a bad Mum or incapable of caring for children. In my experience when I gave up and asked for medical help they told me I was showing I was a responsible parent by recognising I needed support.

Please take care of yourself and write as often as you like.

Nat

[Nerhew]

I am a new mother, my baby is at 12 weeks now and I don’t have any problem looking after her. I really love my daughter. But since I had my baby I keep on crying and thinking of negative things like hatred and sadness. Even if there’s no reason. Because it all started with this.

I am with my mother-in-law and I do not want to trust my daughter with her care. It is because when my baby was born she was putting powder and using alcohol on my newborns skin which is for me whats the point??? ALCOHOL??? Is my baby infectious for her to sanitise my baby???

Her reason is for my baby to have a good smell. And I am like HUHHHHHH???? Even if you dont put anything on baby they still smells good because they are baby. They don’t sweat! Now seems like I am very protective mother because I started to get paranoid everytime she’s looking after my bub. What I want should be followed, the way how I care. But if my in-law doesn’t follow what I said i feel like a bomb that will explode, however I dont show it infront of her, I will tell my husband to let her know. But that issue keeps on going and if it doesn’t solve I just cried and argue with my husband. I feel that my husband is on her mothers side and having this feeling I don’t want to see or talk to her mother all the time, and thats what she was doing as well she stays in her room all the time, even ask my husband to cook for her eat her dinner inside her bedroom which makes me angry because we are raised by our parents that every meal time we must have it in the dining. I even hate what she’s doing because my husband just came from work and she still wait for him to cook for her. Sometimes I just even ignore her even if I heared what she said because I really hate her since I had my baby. For me she is like the evil mother-in-law trying to be perfect. I don’t know what psychological issue I am having right now.

[stormcloudz]

Wow, what great thoughts from Quercus. Being a mum is a really tough job. And not only that, the hormones can really mess with your body and mind.

I was curious because there is a taboo on talking about the challenges of parenthood even though those challenges seem quite common. I looked it up and found an Australian organization called PANDA that provides support for PND (web info, a helpline etc). Their stats say that 1 in 7 mums have some sort of peri or post natal depression. That's a lot of mums trying to look like their lives are the same as a nappy commercial! Well, you are all heroes to me.

[quirkywords]

Hayley123

Thanks for being so honest.

Nat and stormcloudz have given you supportive answer.

I wonder if you have a mother’s groupmon or offline we you can talk honestly about how you feel.

Going from one child to 2 children is a challenge and I feel if you talk to other mums they will feel like you do, My first 2 children were 2 years apart and was worried how could leave the house with the two of them.

I felt insecure and worried that was neglecting my baby as my 2 year old was demanding my attention.

Personally when I open up to friends I find they are feeling things and I don’t feel so alone. There are many people reading your post who will relate to you.

You are a very caring mum.

Nerhew, welcome to the forum.

I t sounds like you need your husband to talk to his mum. It sounds like things are diffcult.

You can start you own thread so people can help you . You are welcome to comment here and help Hayley. And get help in your own thread. Thanks for posting.

Quirky