Am 70. When I was 20, I saw a psychiatrist at the university health service because of extreme shyness, particularly with girls. He was so awful I never went back after the first time. I had an academic career, successful, publications, awards, etc., but feel a failure. I could be entertaining, spontaneous, informative, etc. talking to a hundred people, but in an ordinary social situation where I am not a lecturer, I freeze, can't talk, or when I do, it comes out so awkwardly that it falls flat. It is as though I were two different people. I only identify with the loser "me", not the successful "me". I was good looking as a young man, looks never a problem. Spent 3+ years with a psychiatrist in the 1990s (dysthymia was his diagnosis), learned a lot about why I react in certain ways, but could not change and ended up feeling even more of a failure. I have almost no friends, avoid social situations whenever possible. Am married with 4 adult children (great relationship with children), but no help. No time to talk about marriage/sex, but also a problem all my life. I have little faith in therapy, but I would like not to feel so lonely and useless (not suicidal, though). I have notes the psychiatrist gave me, but they just confirm my inability to modify my behaviour patterns. For example, I realize, as he said, that my self-image is largely the result of my conditioning by my mother, but it still seems, or rather feels like the "real me", even though I know that is its origin, so I still behave the same way. I have read about CBT, but from what I read, it seems to me that you have to tell your self lies, deny what you know, or at least feel, to be true, and I couldn't do that. I don't really have a good question, except that I would like to know if anyone knows if it is possible to find some kind of "cure" at my age, so that what time I have left (am fit and healthy, attend a gym) is not as miserable as these 70 years have been.
