Hi Jenny1
It's understandable how you're feeling worried, especially about the future. I think sometimes it can pay for people to find a common way of looking at depression or anxiety in order for it to be more relatable to all concerned. For example, your husband may see elements of depression or anxiety as natural feelings and not relating to 'Real conditions'. On the other hand, you may look at such things as clinical conditions that need treatment. Personally, I've found a middle ground to be helpful at times. I should add that while you might be able to open your mind to finding a middle ground perspective, it's not always easy to get another person to do the same. I smile when I say I've been married to the same guy for 23 years and trying to get him to open his mind at times has just about taken me to the brink of insanity😫.
A middle ground way of considering things could be anything that creates a significant degree of disorder in life could be classed as 'a disorder'. To offer a few examples
- General anxiety or stress is not a problem unless it's to the degree that causes disorder in that person's life or the lives of the people around that person. Then it's classed as GAD or 'Generalised Anxiety Disorder'
- Being on he autism spectrum isn't a problem unless there is a significant sense of disorder in some areas. Then you could call it ASD or 'Autism Spectrum Disorder'. So, you could have an incredible ear and feel for sound while being on the autism spectrum yet experience overwhelming stress with too much sound or an overload of sounds (which can be felt through the nervous system)
- While an attention deficit is not a problem or hyperactivity is not a problem, significant amounts of those factors can create a sense of disorder in a variety of ways. Then you could be regarded as having ADHD or 'Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder'
At the end of the day, the question becomes 'What's causing the disorder that the person's feeling/experiencing or those around them are feeling/experiencing?'. Understandably, you want to know why your husband's experiencing depression and anxiety to the point where such things are creating significant challenges. Maybe, from his perspective, he doesn't want to be 'fixed'. Is there a possibility that there's a need to have his feelings, challenges, triggers etc better understood?
I should add that there can be genuine chemical imbalances or deficiencies that can generate depressing or anxiety inducing side effects. It can pay to wonder about a variety of things, such as the side effects of certain long term bad habits or sleep apnea or vitamin/mineral deficiencies and the list goes on.
