The warmest of welcomes to you at what sounds like such an incredibly tormenting time for you, in so many ways.
I'm wondering if it would help to begin questioning 'What parts of myself or facets of myself do I dislike the most?'. 'What facets of myself do I thrive on, that I may have forgotten about or are yet to develop?' could be another question. Another question could be 'Who around me is raising me or leading me to discover the best in myself and who is simply waiting for me to 'snap out of it', where I'm at?'. It definitely doesn't serve us to be surrounded by waiters. Leaders and raisers (aka 'guides') are the kinds of people who are going to take us to next level in the way of self understanding and self development.
When people speak about so-called 'inner demons', they can be referring to the pessimist in us, the stresser in us, the saboteur, the nihilist, the harsh and brutal inner critic etc. If there's one thing those inner demons love, it's alone time (without distraction from others to shut them up). In all fairness, the opposite of our inner demons can also thrive on alone time but they can require serious development. These aspects are a part of the best in us. While we may have never had to seriously develop them before, there can come a time in life where the need for such development becomes an undeniable must. The question, for a start, can be 'What part of myself do I want to begin developing the most?'.
I imagine there's a sage in you or a constructive guide in you that you may have heard on occasion. Could have sounded something like 'Something's gotta change. You can't keep going on like this' or maybe it insisted 'Why not go on the Beyond Blue forums' or maybe 'It's time to begin channeling all your energy into something entirely new, so that it stops overwhelming you'. Huge amounts of physical and/or mental energy (aka 'hyper activity') that don't have a channel that they can be vented out through can stay in the body. What would venting enormous amounts of energy look like? What do you visualise? What constructive thing naturally comes to mind? In regard to vision, could this be a call to develop the seer in you? Finding the right visionaries who can relate to our nature can be of help in this area.
