Over myself

jenms
Community Member
I have only just joined BB online. Talking face to face with absolutely anybody...professional, friend, family just makes me cry non stop and not feel any better in fact i feel worse. Thought i could try this to 'vent' without being readily judged (which happens all the time). People don't get it and i understand why they don't get it but that doesn't help. I have been in what i call 'robot mode' for years to be honest. Get up, work, finish, eat, bed, occasionally go out, keep the 'actress' face on. I am getting lower and lower and lower. Logically i know some of the things that i need to do to feel better but it is so hard to push myself to do them. Ironically in the past i have felt better when i have gone for a walk or done some yoga or similar but i just can't seem to even force myself out of the house at the moment. Sooooooooo over myself.
11 Replies 11

quirkywords
Community Champion

Jenn’s

I have been reading your posts and I can relate.
I often say it is nothing in particular and e erroneous in general

Some days are harder but we are here and listening.

Your post will help those reading who don’t post so they don’t feel alone.

therising
Valued Contributor

Hi jenms

I find the days which tend to be the tougher ones are the days where I really need someone to either raise my spirits or my level of consciousness.

With the consciousness aspect, it can involve a number of things I may feel the need to ask someone, myself included

  • Tell me why I have next to no energy
  • Tell me what this challenge I'm in actually is because, for the life of me, I just can't pick it and it's bringing me down
  • Tell me how to get through the challenge in a way I can get through it, not necessarily in a way you'd get through it. The 2 could be different when it comes to strategies
  • Tell me why my chemistry's doing what it's doing
  • Tell me why I don't have enough inspiration in my life

It can take me days and days before something suddenly clicks or comes to light. There are times where I'm left thinking 'No wonder I feel or felt this way'. Probably the most common questions I feel the need to ask is 'What is it I need to do to make a difference in my life? What will change things?'. When I ask myself this question, sometimes I don't like the answer. I know that sounds a little strange but when the answer or solution involves a lot of deep challenges, inspiration can feel more like a hard task master than a savior. My current challenge involves how do discuss with my husband the fact that I feel our marriage is over. I'm done trying. I've tried so hard to the point where it's almost depressing when it comes to how one sided the effort is. I spoke with him about a year ago regarding the need to bring this 20 something year relationship back to life and nothing changed from his end. Inspiration says 'It's time to call it a day. You've done an amazing job you should be incredibly proud of yourself'. I am.

Some days are definitely more challenging than others, that's for sure. It's hard to imagine the way forward sometimes, especially when the challenge is a new one or a big one but the fact of the matter remains there is no choice but to imagine a positive difference toward significant change. If it's hard to imagine on our own, it's then that we may need those who can lead us to imagine what we so desperately need to sometimes.

I cannot allow myself to imagine hopelessness, as I know where it will lead me. Depression is a place I work hard at never returning to. The challenge can be enormous sometimes.

Take care jenms. I will wish that the way forward for you comes to light in truly brilliant ways 🙂