Depression and relationships

[Musiclover10]

How does depression affect your relationships with your partners? Does it cause you to feel disconnected and question the relationship etc?

[Croix]

Dear Musiclover10~

I've read your other posts and hope the new meds make things better, and do so quickly.

I can only answer for myself, but for me the answer is YES! I was invalided out of my occupation and part of hte reason was depression. As this became more pronounced my 'self' seemed to loose contact wiht both me and my surroundings and actions. I became unable to fathom why I did things, lost my temper, felt resentful and simply could not take on board personal contacts. My brain was too busy and full processing the depression.

It was like I was on the far side of a glass wall looking at myself and family. I'd no idea if I loved them, or in fact if I was capable of love -or anything else. I certainly did not understand if I had a relationship and everything became a puzzle.

As I improved my feelings for my partner and family started to reemerge and I reached the place where I was certain I loved, that the relationship was there and was good, and I felt a lot of comfort from this.

Although I've not used the exact words you did I think we are talking bout the same thing and hope this helps

Croix

[Gemma_C]

Yes, it does.

Sometimes I feel disconnected from reality, argumentative and doubtful in everything. Eventually, it starts to feel normal again.

[quirkywords]

Music lover what an interesting thread and question.

I found with my ex husband he would get angry when I was depressed and saw me as being lazy. He wouldn’t help me with children just complained. So it was vicious circle of being depressed being criticised and then being more depressed. When depressed I found it hard toe ores myself and was weak and fragile.

[geoff]

Hello Musiclover, a very good question and yes, it can cause loneliness and disinterested which can affect any relationship, which in turn may develop loneliness and a feeling of exhaustion and to be intimate doesn't have the cravings it once had, and if by chance you are, then the enjoyment vanishes, although your partner/spouse believes this will be the magic trick to once again stimulate you to overcome any depression, unfortunately, it doesn't.

If critical remarks are constantly being said which you don't agree with, then can I ask you 'how long is a piece of string', you don't want to kiss or cuddle them because of what's been said, so you tend to withdraw away from them and it's different than having a tiff, you are able to make up and thoroughly enjoy the reunion, but if you are suffering from any type of depression, this doesn't normally happen.

If you like then please get back to us, we'd like to talk with you.

Geoff.

[therising]

Hi Musiclover10

Thank you for raising this question, bringing about a greater sense of reflection and consciousness.

If it's of any help, I questioned my relationship while I was within my years of depression. I question the relationship still, but from a different perspective, one of greater clarity without the sadness attached. To give an example: While in my depression I may have asked 'Why does he not care about me enough to raise me out of the depths and the darkness? Why does he not care enough to try and feel how I feel, to feel that desperation for help? Why am I not worth the effort?' I reached the conclusion that I wasn't worth the effort and I was too much hard work.

I'll take those exact questions and ask them from a clearer perspective, leading to very different conclusions: Why does he not care about me enough to raise me out of the depths and the darkness? Because he could never be bothered doing the research it takes to understand the chemistry, mindset and impact of depression. It was easier for him to say 'There's no such thing as depression', which he did say. He believes differently now I should add. You cannot hope to raise a person if you do not understand what you're trying to raise them out of. Why does he not care enough to try and feel how I feel, to feel that desperation for help? Because it's an intensely challenging and uncomfortable feeling, to feel so deeply for another. Such discomfort took away from his happiness in life and he didn't like that feeling. Why am I not worth the effort? I'll rephrase this to 'Why was he too lazy to put the effort in?' Truth is, I was always worth the effort. Anyone who's facing depression is worth the effort that it takes to raise them.

I was always asking questions while in depression but really getting no mind altering answers. Mind altering is really what we're after while in depression. Mind altering revelations that alter the mind and the chemistry in depression are life changing.

I do believe we always question for good reason. We are after the answers which lead us to evolve. Any great quest to evolve will hold a lot of questions.

I've found the disconnection to be perfectly understandable. This is something I used to do and actually still do but with greater clarity now. I disconnect from people who refuse to raise me because it doesn't suit them. My connections are more so now with the people I love to raise and who love raising me.

🙂

[Musiclover10]

Hi everyone,

This post comes with much fear and sadness. I have been doing so much better over the last week. Managing to get up everyday, exercise and stick to an activity plan. Although not feeling 100%, I have not been having the same hopeless thoughts and feelings and I've been more motivated and hopeful. It's been such a relief.

However over the last 24 hours, I have started feeling very different 😞 I feel I have gone backwards. There's been some tension in my relationship with my partner which I feel is causing me distress. I'm terrified of falling back into the jaws of depression. I feel I've worked so hard just to get where I am. Has anyone else felt this way? What can I do to stay on top of it?

Thank you

[Gambit87]

I feel I've worked so hard just to get where I am. Has anyone else felt this way? What can I do to stay on top of it?

Hi Musiclover!

The thing with depression - your going to have good days where you feel great and your going to have those days where you feel like your going backwards. I get them all the time, it happens. I take the bad with the good because I know that these bad days will pass. I take a step back from everything to take the pressure off myself and to be kinder to myself and check in with myself.

To answer your original question - both myself and my partner has depression and anxiety (I have OCD aswell). I see her struggling and I get upset because there is little I can do to actually help her. What works for me doesnt work for her so I feel useless.

Do I feel disconnected? - A little. Sometimes I think I have to disconnect to save myself from tearing myself up inside because I cant help her.

Do I question the relationship? Hell no. I love that girl more than anything. I know my true feelings and I know the feelings depression tries to make me feel.

[therising]

Hi Musiclover10

I believe some of the hardest workers in life are those who work so hard through the challenges of depression. Sometimes it can be easy to see all your hard work, when things are on an up turn, and then suddenly when things (for some reason) appear to take a down turn we can forget in an instant exactly why we should be so incredibly proud of our self.

Wondering if you can pick the challenge you're facing in your relationship. Is it the challenge to speak up, the challenge to freely express yourself, the challenge to be reasonable (expressing your ability to reason) without being shut down or criticised? Do you feel you can't freely express yourself, leading you to suppress your self? If this is the case, how does such suppression lead you to feel? Do you feel you can't fully express yourself around your partner, without fearing repercussions?

Can you imagine how you could resolve the tension in your relationship? What would that look like? Would it be deeply challenging in some ways?

Of course, you don't have to answer any of these questions. Just wondering if you can relate to them.

Take care and remain proud of yourself 🙂