Nothing to look forward to.

[Mez79]

Don't know where to turn, I just need to vent maybe more than anything or someone to hear me out.

I just feel like I've got nothing left to look forward to. The main reasoning to this feeling is that I'm a 40yr old single woman never got to date anyone, never had kids & now there's a prospect that I'll lose my uterus as well.
I never really wanted a great deal, just someone to settle with and start a family and I can't even achieve that! It's not like anyone would want me at this age and broken.

From when I was 18 I tried to do like so many suggested, changed jobs, kept studying, try and find a hobby.....23 years later and still the same status quo only worse possibly can't even have a kid.

A couple of years back started accepting I'd be single for good so I joined a gym. It started off great made new friends started doing things with them, I even ended up being a zumba instructor it finally looked like I had something to look forward to. Now these past 8 months everything just seems to be crashing around me.

Last year I practically had a meltdown, which resulted in me arguing with a co worker. My workload and stress levels got so high that I had to relinquish some of my responsibilities, which helped when starting back at the start of the year but somehow I feel like a failure. And while this was all happening my aging parents started to become me dependent of me. It was fine I guess I still had zumba and the gym.

Then covid hit!! During then covid hit!!! No gym buddies no zumba:-( which was ok cause it was lockdown. During this time I chose to isolate for the sake of my parents while the others still kept doing activities together. As restrictions eased I went back to the gym owner and said I was happy to start zumba instructing again. I've been told he's not going to put it on just yet (I don't think he will ever cause there's another class in its place that I can't see being dropped). So there goes another sense of failure. In the meantime all the friends I've made seemed to have lost touch with me and don't involve me anymore. I try to offer lunch or walking dates but they always seem to have something else on.

It just feels like I've got nothing else fun to do anymore. Why is it that the fun stuff is always the first to go in any situation. Sorry I know this is long & don't expect anyone to read it let alone reply. Just needed somwhere to write down 8 months worth of feelings:-(.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Mez, thanks for taking part in our community and sharing some of your story with us. We're sorry to hear how stressful things have become over the past few months. We understand it would be really upsetting to lose your community and friends at the gym. We also know how demotivating being in isolation can be.  Can we ask, do you have any mental health support? We understand it can be really tough to cope sometimes, especially if you don't have a lot of support from family or friends. If you would like some help finding mental health support, we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. They will give you support and point you in the right direction for help in your area.

If you feel up to it, we'd also recommend reaching out to our Coronavirus Mental Wellbeing Support Service. The website will be regularly updated with information, advice and strategies to help you manage your wellbeing and mental health during this time. 

We hope that being part of this community can bring you some comfort and help you to feel a little less alone.

[Croix]

Dear Mez79~

Welcome some more, I've read previos posts by you and am very sorry you may have to undergo surgery. Closing off avenues you had hoped for must be a bitter blow. The life we mapped out for ourselves in our innocence in late teens or early 20's does not always come about.

I've found that in quite a different manner, being invalided out of my career at about your age and told I'd never work again. Life does deal hard blows and sometimes it seems easier to just give up and exist.

I can't offer you specific comfort for your problems, I wish I could. I can however see that your life may start to turn the way you'd like at any stage, even with elderly parents to consider.

I do not know why you never had a date, though I suspect (I'm no doctor) that anxiety may have played a part. possibly depression too. When you were with your friends and you could not think of things to say seems to me part of it.

You are fit, zoomba instructors tend to be, and you kind, or you would not consider your parents as a responsibility. I honestly think there is more hope than you imagine. I found my soulmate when slightly older than you, despite having quite severe mental health conditions, physically in poor shape, no job and no prospects (or money either).

20+ years later we are still together, still in love (and I'm no attractive hunk -would (sadly) never be mistaken for Arnie). My partner on the other hand is beautiful inside and out.

So if it can happen for me it can happen for you.

May I ask if you have seen your GP or other doctor to see if you have anxiety or another MH condition? I would imagine they have been paying attention to your physical needs, but sometimes the mental ones get overlooked.

Frankly I think when it comes to having a companion in life the biggest danger is not that you do not get one, but that you will sell yourself short.

COVID causing employment and social activities to go the wrong way is unfortunately a fact of life, nothing to do with who you are, and I, like just about everybody, is waiting for society to come off hold.

In the meantime I'd suggest trying to find something to look forward to at the end of every day. It does not have to be large, but enjoyable. You might find fun on YouTube, or trying to Zoom a friend, or take refuge in a book - anything you can think of.

I do hope you come back and talk some more (even if you think I'm wrong:)

Croix

[Leigh1987]

Hey,

I feel much the same. I am 32 and my dating life is a bust so I doubt I will experience the joys of relationships and family.

I have no social circle. I had one close friend but she could no longer understand or handle my unrelenting depression.

I wish I had some words of hope for both you and myself but I can't find any.

I just wanted to respond to let you know I understand where you are coming from. It's hard to find satisfaction in life when everything is another dead end.