Thank you to everyone who has posted on the thread: BPD person who needs
a friend with knowledge of BPD. I have learnt so much about my
diagnosis, just from reading this thread. I hadn't heard at all about
mirroring (even though I've done lots of rea...
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Thank you to everyone who has posted on the thread: BPD person who needs
a friend with knowledge of BPD. I have learnt so much about my
diagnosis, just from reading this thread. I hadn't heard at all about
mirroring (even though I've done lots of reading)..... I am wanting to
mention a situation with a friend. Essentially, I am never sure if when
I have a scenario going on with a friend, whether it is BPD, or if its
that friend's behaviour. In most instances, I easily blame myself for
things - and most of the time, there are ways that I could have behaved
better. But yesterday, I started writing an email to a friend, to
hopefully resolve our issues with each other.... after typing the email
out, I realised that I didn't fully believe what i was typing. So I have
not sent the email, because I want to sit with what are my real gut
feelings. I have trouble processing matters..... Situation is as
follows: We've been friends for 23 years. I would consider this person,
one of my inner circle. She has been having an affair with a married
woman. I had asked her about this several times, just to enquire,
because she seemed to be talking about this woman a lot; if it'd been
more serious. And she said they'd been together 3-4 times. I didn't
think much of it, not great to sleep with a married person; but whatever
(I don't even know them)...... I then find out 18 months later (even
though we speak a few times a week), that she has been in a full blown
affair with this woman. I reacted by talking about how the husband
feels...and pulled myself away from the friendship..... In reflecting, I
don't actually care about what the husband feels. For me, I felt
rejected and why has she kept it quiet. It also frustrated me because I
have supported her through 2 relationships where her partners had had
affairs..... (and additionally, one other holiday I went on with her,
she brang a "friend"..... turns out it wasn't a friend....it was a
lover)..... she thinks I judged her and that she isnt obliged to share
things about her life with me. As a friend, it should be up to the
person, to share what they want to share. The healthy and clear-thinking
side of my brain thinks she is not taking responsibility. I don't know
how to move forward and am distressed about it. Not sure how to move
forward with the friendship.