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Not sure what to do
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I'm in my 20's and yet cannot figure out what I will do with my life. I'm not diagnosed with depression or anxiety (never went to the doctor's for it) but ever since I was a 10 I've been very sad and anxious with everyone and everything around me. I guess I can say I was abused by my dad at a very young age and my mum hand no power to stop him so the abuse sorta continued until I reached highschool where I realized that I can report to my teachers if I'm being mistreated at home. But unfortunately I've never reported it. My parents don't physically abuse me but sometimes there's a few verbal abuse especially from my eldest sibling whom I don't know why always lashes onto me and guilt trips me. I am emotionally sensitive since I was young and I would feel like crying every time none says anything bad about me or hits me. I guess all that trauma that I've built up till now is making me doubt what I want to be in the future as there's a lot of negativity in my household. I also avoid men (mostly middle aged ones) due to many horrible encounters I have as a child just made be afraid of them. They say that if you're in your 20s you should explore with different career paths but I was shamed by most of everyone I know (even my friends) for wanting to do culinary at tafe so right now I'm in university, feeling miserable and burnt out, doing a degree I have zero passion on. I feel like if I dif have supportive parents and if I lived in a positive household I would really enjoy life to its fullest. Anyways I might make another post about my life and emotional problems since I cannot really vent out to anyone close to me.
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Hi,
Welcome and thank you for reaching out to us.
I can relate to so many things in your post, I am now in my 60s but began my journey with depression when I was about 12. Mental health was not talked about back then and was barely recognised, so I was not diagnosed until I was in my 40s after having an emotional breakdown of sorts.
I would like to give you the benefit of what I have learned over the course of my life so that you don't need to make the same mistakes.
Firstly, please find a GP you feel comfortable with and spill the beans about what you have been through so they can help you. They will be able to make a diagnosis and arrange for you to receive some much needed counselling and offer medication if necessary. You deserve to be helped, you just need to learn to ask. My guess is that the treatment you have had in the past has made you feel unworthy, but nothing could be further from the truth. You matter.
You took the first step here, which is always the hardest one, I am very proud of you for finding the courage to talk to us. You just need to take the next step, one step at a time so you don't feel overwhelmed.
The next thing I would suggest is to look up on the internet 'HSP Elaine Aron'. You are a HSP (Highly Sensitive Person), of that I have no doubt. I am a HSP and had a difficult time dealing with my dysfunctional family. Reading about this will let you know you are not alone in how you feel and react, about one quarter of the population are HSPs and it can seem like a curse when you are young, but there are ways to manage it which I can help you with.
The next thing I want you to think about, is why someone else's opinion matters more than your own. If you want to do culinary, that is your right and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about your choice. A true friend will support your decision, not try to shame you. You must do the thing that lights you up, not the thing that pleases everyone but yourself. This is your life, live it the way you choose, do what makes you happy. As long as what we do does no harm to others, no one has the right to tell us how to live. That took me many many years to learn, so please take that on board and start making some changes that make you happy.
I hope this helps and please continue this conversation rather than starting another post. It helps to have continuity on a forum. I would be happy to support you further if you wish.
Take good care of yourself,
indigo
