Not sure how long ive had depression and/or anxiety and not sure who to talk too

[Trickyone]

I am a 38 Year old male who, over the years had had a great career and a very loving family. I have a young son and wife of whom i love dearly.

Over the last week i have become very disinterested in anything including time with my son and as my wife puts it "you are there but not present". As this has happened i realised that this has happened quite a lot over the years and not knowing what was going on i put it down to being run down and after a couple of days i would start to bounce back.

It has now been a week and my wife is now giving me what she calls "tough love" where she is avoiding me, not touching me and i am feeling really worthless to be honest. I have a business that involves a lot of clients and now i fear talking to anyone all the time so i avoid talking to anyone who may give me any news i cant handle.

This is losing me business at the moment and my heart is constantly racing at a million miles an hour and my sleep is not getting me rested even though its about 8-9 hours a night. Since being married two years ago, i have missed spending time with my friends and socialising as my wife isn't as social as i and now i'm not sure if i do anymore either although i know how good it feels to talk with my friends if that makes sense?

Im really worried as i don't drink often but when i have in the last 12 months i have binged and been ill for days afterward. My wife is also the type of person who may run in the other direction if things don't work for her (as it almost has in the past) and so i am constantly running on fear of failure, fatigue and worry about anything and everything and it's strange that i now see that after all these years that this is what it is....and it scares me.

I'm not sure who i can talk to about this as that too scares the hell out of me and isolation and disconnection seems the only way my brain wants me to react to the world.

If anyone can help me with getting an idea of what happens next please i would really appreciate it so i know it won't be too much. I have had issues in my younger years with addiction and i am concerned that with therapy that i have received never picked up that i may have been suffering from depression as this is how it felt then too (so could i be wrong?).

[Kazzl]

Hi Trickyone, welcome to beyondblue, and well done you for reaching out! It takes courage to ask for help when we need it, and taking that first step is a very positive sign that things can and will improve for you.

You're amongst friends here, we all in one way or another have been through 'it'. I know it must be very scary to be losing business and not feeling able to work. If it helps to know, it is not that unusual. Business owners have particular stresses that can lead to or compound depression. There's a good resource on the BB site that might give you some insight:

learn.beyondblue-elearning.org.au

It's time for some help mate - here, certainly, but also with your doctor. There is no shame in seeking treatment. In my view it takes a stronger person to accept they need some help. And help is at hand. What you're experiencing now need not be forever. In our darkest times we think things will never be good again, but that's depression talking, affecting the way we think. It can and generally does get better with the right treatment and support.

Talking therapy helps many people too, and you can get a mental health care plan with your doctor that enables you to see a psychologist more cheaply. There's also our 24 hour helpline on 1300 22 4636 if you would like an initial chat with a professional.

Please think about getting some treatment - there is no need to suffer in silence or alone.

Very best wishes to you mate.

Kaz