Not even sure what to write

[Cellone]

I am so tired, physically & mentally...but I have to keep going. I am the person everyone turns to, and I am the positive person, but I hardly ever open up and tell anyone how I really feel. I can't tell anyone what is wrong with me...I'm having my mental health used against me in a family court matter...as far as anyone else knows now I'm fine. I get asked how are you my answer is I'm fine...but I'm not. I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety & ptsd a few years ago...but I've been working so hard for years on it that...I'm fine. They can't see the pain that is inside my head. I'm not suicidal, simply because I can't be...too many people rely on me.

I feel so alone. Sometimes I write to get the feelings out, this is what I wrote half an hour ago before I thought to have a look on BB.

I am lonely. There is not one person in this town that has initiated a conversation or friendship with me. I'm not ugly, I'm not scarey, I can't understand it...except that it is "this town". Depression is so ugly in this town, so ugly that even our local council members have committed suicide. I have 5 "acquaintances" in this town, but none I can turn to about how I feel right now. I was moved away from my support network by the person who is taking me to court about our child.

I'm the one who initiates conversation. I'm the one who tries to make a connection. Right now I could not be bothered as it has become too hard to keep trying. I've lived in this town for 4 and a half years. I was happier in the city and I am when I visit there but I'm tied to this town at the moment because of the court case. I now have to represent myself...I hear myself saying this all the time "I am not a lawyer". I can't do this and I keep making mistakes with it but there's nothing else I can do except do it. Yes I've approached services for help with it, but they can only give advice, they can't actually help.

I am tired and there is no one who can actually help right now...I just have to keep going. I feel like a windger that's why I put this here instead of my personal facebook wall.

[startingnew]

Hi and welcome to BB

i get where your coming from

sounds very familair to what im dealing with- everyone turns to me, expects eveerythign out of me,i ahve ptsd, anxiety and dpression, socail phobia and health anxiety as well and its bloddy ahrd work, its an invisible disease so no one can see what your dealing with and its hard for people to understand what we are going through unless they have eperienced that themselves.

i have Sh and suicidal but i have good days.

i think it would be worth you seeing another psychologist as well to help you with some extra support, it might even look good on your court case that your trying to manage and get better as well

[MissBenthos]

Hi cellone,

Sounds like a tough spot you're in. Make sure you allow some time for you. You are important and you can't be the go to person 24/7, no one can be. If you need time out, take it, go for a swim/get a massage/go for a walk - whatever it is that you find relaxing.

What is it that draws you to the city? What do you like there rather than a small town?

What is available in your town in regards to groups you could join? Sports, volunteer, hobbies etc. Does any of this interest you? They're all good opportunities to connect with others. Unfortunately we live in world where people like you who are the ones that approach others seem to be the minority, a lot of us struggle to initiate conversation, so I think joining some type of group where you have something in common will help with getting to know people.