Hi Philip and Geoff, thanks for replying.
Philip: I get you; inital reactions tend to change upon hindsight, where the view is better and all-seeing. Once it is under scrutiny by the brain essentially. What I have said can be my turning point; that pivotal moment where I know what's wrong and I can effect change in my life to make me a more substantial character, and then its protagnoist. That's where this "depression" kicks in. The name that symbolises (for me) that monster in the closet. Or worse. The ether that seeps in to my brain and my body. Where I think but cannot act. Where I feel but so intensely and so badly that rational thought gets drowned out if it's there. That point where I feel I cannot change to adapt and so survival becomes hard. Where giving up has become a more attainable goal than succeeding no, matter what. Where my identity seems to based around this depression than around what I used to know as me. And so yes, I am letting life erase me, because I feel I cannot play a part in it.
Geoff: I don't mind that my psychologist has told me to learn to isolate and feel my feelings. To give a name to them individually is better, for me, than feeling an intensity in my head consisting of so many of them. Putting a name to them means I can face them, try and deal with them. But thank you for your support, your words are empowering when It comes to me still having choice in my healing. Overall, I was just commenting how I no matter how eloquently I can put it, understanding why I feel this way and often so many ways will be somewhat of a mystery. Usually I follow a line of causality in my life, but depression doesn't seem to fit that.
Thanks fot the responses
Joelle
