Have I or haven't I?

[Jess19925]

Hi everyone,

I'm looking for some clarification or explanation for my behaviour/feelings. I'm not sure whether I would be classified depressed and/or anxious. I am a uni student in my last year of study currently on placement. (Perhaps ironically) My degree is in welfare and I am really interested in exploring mental health and disability avenues for employment. My mother had depression when I was around 10 and recovered, although not without the help of antidepressants which she used for several years.

My situation involves me being very stressed because of a lack of time, motivation and energy. Placement is very fast-paced, and very challenging. I am doing a job that I can sometimes feel overwhelmed by for a number of reasons. 1, the work is challenging and I am still learning. 2, all the things I do have fast deadlines, which can be stressful, especially because those deadlines are my supervisor's deadlines, not mine. That gives me a feeling of guilt when I am not working as fast as I need to be. 3, the job requires me to wake up early (5:15am, 2 days a week) and coupled with my paid job (bartending day and night shifts, 3-4 times per week) I can be very tired. This combination of factors can lead me to be anxious some mornings, with one instance leading me to call in sick one day to placement.

I have also got feelings of being flat, miserable, irritable, sad, exhaustion and episodes of crying without any provocation. I have had instances where I would tear up randomly and I would have to fight off a fit of crying. I have had instances where I've just thought everything is just too hard. Please let me stress that I don't mean this in regard to life itself. I do not have suicidal thoughts or thoughts of harming myself or others. I have called in sick to my paid work more than once because I just couldn't see myself turning up to work and forcing myself to smile for the patrons and other staff. 

I have told my partner about these feelings as we live together and I know it's not healthy to try to keep feelings like this to myself. However, I don't think he completely understands the gravity of what I'm saying, or maybe he doesn't know what to do. The bottom line is I haven't seen a professional yet as I'm not sure if I would be classed as anxious and/or depressed and I'm not too keen to speak to a stranger about something so personal. Also, I don't want to speak to my family as I don't want them to worry (yet), especially given the family history.

[Amy_G]

Hi Jess, welcome to the forum 🙂

First off I just have to say that I love your profile pic, it reminded me how much I used to love daria and I'm going back and watching it now, such a great show

Now back to you, it sounds to me that the various things you've listed could definitely be symptoms of depression or anxiety, or both, but of course only a doctor can give you a diagnosis.

Usually I would say that the best thing to do as a first step in seeking help would be see a GP or perhaps a counsellor at uni, but if, as you say, you don't really want to talk to a stranger about this yet, those probably aren't good suggestions. 

If you're looking for clarification about your feelings etc., perhaps reading up on depression and anxiety some more might help? Beyond blue has some good information on this site, and personally one site that I found really helpful was ReachOut - they have info on depression and anxiety, but also on more general issues like stress from uni, relationships, etc. Also, if you go to mindhealthconnect you can find links to a lot of other resources. 

Another option is to perhaps talk to a counsellor online, through chat or email. Personally, I found that a lot easier than talking about personal things face to face, as it's anonymous and if you feel uncomfortable you can just stop writing and exit out of the window at any time. They might be able to help you figure out if what you're going through is related to a mental illness, and even if it's not, they might be able to help with the stress and other feelings. You can do that through beyond blue, or there are several other sites that offer this service, such as eheadspace if you're under 25. 

Everything you're going through sounds pretty stressful, so I hope you can find something or someone that helps 🙂

Amy G

[geoff]

dear Jess, I'd like to welcome you to this BB site, and what you have posted is a good question that I'm sure goes through so many people's mind.

Firstly there is the K10 test which just ask you questions or circumstances to answer and then the figure at the end indicates whether you could have depression, it's just a preliminary idea for you to think about.

As Amy has said only a doctor can diagnose your condition as we aren't qualified to do this, but however we can give you our opinion, but it's not gospel.

Your agenda is full on, so this can lead to exhaustion, and then there's a possibility that this could lead to depression, just saying.

In my opinion by having anxiety comes under the main heading which is depression, others may have other thoughts, but if you look at The Facts on the top of this page it's included in the list of this illness, however by saying this the main emphasis could be on anxiety or perhaps depression/anxiety.

Let's take it that you are anxious, then this doesn't stop people going to see their doctor and then go on and see a psychologist, because it's still an illness and from what you have said to us there is a lot on your plate.

Can I say that psychologists are easy to talk to, and want you to feel comfortable while the discussion takes place, so I urge you to go to your doctor, who will welcome you with open arms, they are only there to help you.

Can I also say and this is without any malice at all, that your boyfriend doesn't understand what you are trying to explain to him, but a doctor will, because they have so many people who come to see him/her and have some sort of depression, and what eventually happens with people who are scared to visit their doctor is that they become totally messed up, in that there are times when their illness becomes too overwhelming they fall into a heap and then don't know where to turn.

I hope that you can get back to us, because we only want to help you. L Geoff. x

[White_Rose]

Hello Jess

A warm welcome to Beyond Blue. I hope we can help you find a solution to your difficulties. Unlike Amy I have no idea who or what Daria is. Am I showing my age?

From your post it sounds as though you are struggling and juggling your work, uni, placement and private life. There are a limited number of hours in the day, to state the obvious and you can only do so much. Superwoman you ain't. Well, not unless there's something you are not telling us.

The symptoms you describe could be depression but could also be exhaustion. I am not in a position to tell you. Geoff has suggested that you complete the one minute depression checklist and I agree with him. It's certainly not a full diagnostic tool but can give a pointer to a potential diagnosis. I want to suggest you make an appointment with your GP and discuss these things.

I appreciate your reluctance to talk to people you don't know and this is reasonable in general. However GPs should not come into this category. They are there to listen to you and offer a diagnosis and hopefully a solution. The GP will not criticise you or make judgements about you. Their role is to get you back to full health. So take advantage of someone with the necessary expertise to start getting yourself together again. You may find there is a simple solution.

If you look under the Resources/Family and Friends tab above you will find information that may be useful to you partner. BB will send any of their information to you. Any kind of potential mental illness scares the living daylights out of people who know nothing about it.

You know and accept the reality. However, working with people who are struggling can be very wearing. Ask any social worker/psychologist/psychiatrist. I worked in the disability field for many years and I know the strains involved. So be kind to yourself as much as possible. Can you take break from the pub while you are on placement? Anything that subtracts from your ability to function well needs to be considered carefully.

I will be looking forward your reply and hope that my post has been useful

Mary

[Jess19925]

Hi again everyone,

Thank you very much for your kind words. I have recently discovered through a GP that (thankfully) I am just severely exhausted physically and mentally and that the effects of exhaustion are playing tricks on my mood. Unfortunately, at the moment cutting back is not an option as work is essential for me to pay rent, and uni work and uni placement has to be done. I am in the process of setting up a solid schedule for my time, which includes uni work, uni placement, paid work, sleep, relaxation time, etc.

Hopefully when placement finishes late May I will be able to regain my equilibrium and my mood swings will become less extreme and my exhaustion non-existent!

All the best and thanks again,

Jess