Not coping.

[Guest_4521]

I am in Victoria, pregnant and due in November and I feel like the biggest loser on the planet at the moment because I'm pregnant...in the middle of a pandemic. Remote learning is the biggest load of bull donkey.
I have seen in my life.

People in my life know I'm not coping. I reach out and crickets.
My daughter's school doesn't care that I'm struggling with remote learning.
I am refusing my prenatal appointments because I know if I catch this stupid virus they will separate me and the baby. I would rather die in childbirth than risk that. At least I'll get to see my baby before I die, I won't if I catch COVID.
Hospital is harassing me even though I have explained why I won't go...so I blocked their number.
I feel nothing but guilt for being pregnant, I don't even know what the future is going to be like for my kids, at the moment the world is a rotten place to be!

I left my mother's group because they were all celebrating their pregnancies. I couldn't and I still can't. This isn't a good thing, and I didn't want to rain on their parade.

I can't tell if I am depressed, disillusioned or just angry. I really hope all these sacrifices are worth it for those who need it, because it's not for me! I did therapy last year to help my social anxiety and agoraphobia. It is back with a vengeance but now I know I'm not being paranoid, people are definitely NOT trust worthy!

[Croix]

Dear Guest_4521~

Its wonderful to have a partner that cares.

I can see all your arguments, and frankly there is a little grain of truth in unnecessary actions, that some (mainly aged care) health workers have here virus and you perhaps you are right, it a more difficult time to bring another life into the world, however how many are? Worldwide I'd suspect a lot. I have a feeling each item of your thoughts is tinged wiht the influence of depression and hopelessness, just as mine has been in the past.

The joy will be there, and having birth in hospital is probably going to be a lot safer than trying to deliver at home.

Perhaps some of your prenatal consultations can be done via telehealth, plus for those where you should attend then rigorous personal distancing, masking and cleanliness I'm sure will see you though.

I'm guessing out of concern for you your husband wishes you to attend? Is he able to spend time with you as well as working?

You have time to get the clothes you need, there is always on-line.

True there may be a few, like those two girls that went to Queensland, who will be selfish try to beat the system. I'm glad to say they are very much a minority.

It is easy to look at figures every day and presume the worst, however there are so many people working tremendous efforts to bring the numbers down I'm sure they will succeed. Not just the high visibility ones such as in the medical professions, but IT technicians, sewer workers, transport drives and umpteen more. All trying to ensure everyone's safty and enough food and other things to go around.

Clicking with, and trusting, a therapist is I honestly think the most imortant thing, not the therapy of choice. Feeling understood and respected, helping steer things yourself all help. And you are right, when you can get out the pressure will lessen. It may well reduce your feelings of body dismorphia too when you are out in the world.

Croix

[Guest_4521]

Yes, it is true that some of those health care workers are from aged care facilities.

But now those from aged care are in our hospitals :(

It is not safe to deliver in a hospital.... I will catch it from my prenatal appointments, and they will take the baby until I test negative. Seems pretty pointless to do that when even their PPE isn't saving them!

There are way more selfish people out there than just the media shows, I can assure you. It's naive to assume that other pregnant women have been as diligent as myself, and that they wouldnt just decide they aren't that sick, so they go to their appointments, positive test or no. Same goes for the people that will be poking and prodding me.

How do I know the baby won't catch it from the health care workers? Just because someone has a medical degree doesn't mean they have common sense.

I will not be punished for being sick. I will social distance. I will wear masks. I will use hand sanitizer until my hands are red raw. I will stay home until the end of time.

But I am not handing over my baby for any reason, and I don't care if I die in the process. She stays with me, end of story, and by allowing them to help me deliver my baby, Im consenting to them treating me any way they like, under the guise of "saving lives".

There is no clothing online. All there is, is singlets and legless body suits. Yes I am due in November, but summer doesn't come through Melbourne until January.

I will reiterate what I have said already. There is nothing about this pregnancy that is worth celebrating, and there is nothing that will change my mind. Short of going into labour right in the middle of a battle field or in a nuclear apocolypse, there couldn't have been worse timing.

Yes, my partner cares, but he's not the one who's rights are being taken. He's not the one who's milk is going to dry up because they won't let me give it to her. My body doesn't like breast pumps.. it will dry up. He's not the one that has to go through hormonal fluctuations, or the pain of childbirth only to hand her over to some random person. Or have to stay in hospital for two weeks!

I requested continued telehealth, and they refused and insisted I needed to be seen by an OBGYN. For no reason that they would tell me over the phone. My baby is very healthy, I feel her kicking all the time, I told them. Nope, still need to come in. I said no. I explained why. They kept pushing, and finally ended the phone call with: other pregnant women go to their appointments.

I said so if other pregnant women jumped off a cliff, would that be okay too? Because that's pretty much what they are doing! Pregnant women are coming out left and right saying they have it and that they aren't sure where they got it. Well I can tell them: the prenatal clinic.

[Guest_4521]

The numbers will drop, yes.


But then they will rise again. And then back into lockdown we go. For a very long time.

The guidelines aren't working as well as they should. People are looking for loopholes to get out of doing their part all the time.

If masks and hand sanitizer was enough, then health care workers wouldn't be catching it. Those tiny offices where you go into to get checked out don't allow for social distancing, and neither do waiting rooms filled with people.

The midwife I spoke to over the phone tried to tell me seeing them was no different to going to the supermarket...I said I don't do that either. I get everything delivered. Not to mention, that's a terrible comparison, supermarkets are the worst places to go, because even people with covid need to eat, and they do go there despite being told they cant!

I see prenatal appointments as the same thing. A scared pregnant woman with covid will go to her appointments, no doubt about it.

Either the virus is a real threat or not. If it is, then why is my thought process so illogical? If it isn't, then what is everyone panicking about? Why have we shut everything down?

Very contradictory.

[Croix]

Dear Guest_4521~

Yes things are contradictory, and some people do not think in terms of consequences, for themselves or others.

I cant speak much about the midwife, completely outside my sphere of knowledge. In fact it may be better to talk to a clinical based obstetrics organization. I would have imagined that clinics might have taken a more relaxed view about coming in given the circumstances seeing you feel fine. Something to talk over wiht your GP I guess.

I obviously cannot predict anything, some people will fall ill, and many won't. While you have a small about of control at the moment you are clinging to it -very understandable, possibly wise. It looks like the main threat at the moment is the delivery when it comes, and there all I can do is wish you the very best.

What do I know? Well, dwelling on the situation will not help you.To be able to control your own thoughts and fears would be a help, to you now, and your general health. It may even assist in maintaining your good relationship with your partner and your girls

To assist you turn you mind away why not have a look as well at the MindSpot Clinic, which has sensible free courses to assist those with a variety of problems, it has a good and professional reputation.

https://mindspot.org.au/

with luck things will go well and in the meantime feeling more at ease will help

Croix

Mothercare has signed a deal with Boots in the UK to have a full range of items by English summer, and do sell on-line. This has happened as the parent Mothercare company, as opposed to their on-line products, has been in financial trouble for years. If nowhere else at least there will be one place good quality garments and other things can be obtained. However I'd be pretty sure there will be nearer alternatives.

My own offspring had their products when young, it was the fashion a the time when quality was desired.

If you have a GP supporting you then you should talk about the fact the existing support is not fully working and needs to be re-thought. If you do not have medical support for your feelings then now would be an excellent time to start .Again telehealth.

[Guest_4521]

Yes, I would like a little bit of control over this....but it's not just about that.

I'm angry. So angry.

I'm angry that the only reason we are in this situation is because a few selfish people didn't isolate when they were told to, before hotel quarantine was even a thing. Now the rest of us have to suffer the consequences of their choices.

I am angry that even though those people didn't do the right thing, when it became enforced, they got an all expenses paid stay at a hotel. We get fined, even if we do something completely innocent, like go get food.

I am angry that the government dropped the ball so many times, and we are the ones that have to go without. Our premier got a pay rise. Must be nice.

I am angry that I went through therapy last year to fix myself up, and now all that work has been undone, and I'll have to start all over again knowing this time that it is true...you can't trust anyone.

I am angry that people's jobs are being threatened, but the government is telling everyone to stay home even if they lose their jobs just because they got sick, and they will not be able to prove that's why they got sacked.

I am angry that the financial support the government has offered at the start, will be taken away even though there are no jobs to be had, leaving those people to fend for themselves.

I am angry that we have to have our food restricted once again, because of a few selfish people.

I am angry that the joy in my last pregnancy has been ruined, and I have to choose between risking catching that virus and being punished for it, or dying in childbirth or from complications during pregnancy. And that none of those can be predicted.

I am angry that medical professionals don't seem to understand that I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. It's an impossible decision in my eyes.

I am angry that when this baby is born, no family members will be able to meet her and welcome her to our family, because they are talking about keeping stage 3 until Christmas.

I am angry that they will separate me and the baby if I catch COVID. That's a punishment...no parent should be separated from their baby without their consent. That used to be reserved for when parents were neglectful or abused their children badly. Now they have decided it's okay to do that even if the mother caught the virus just trying to keep herself and her baby alive. It's not right. If they get away with that I wonder what else they will decide is a plausible reason?

[Guest_4521]

I am also angry that education has been thrown out the window. My child in grade prep lost interest maybe 3 weeks into remote learning. She doesn't want to try. I can't make her. She knows this isn't school and learning at home is too distracting.

I think we will wait until this debarcle settles, and then try again. I'm not a teacher.

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Guest_4521,

I've been reading this thread and I hear you in your anger - while you're not alone in being pregnant, it is a terrible time to have a baby.

I understand that going to a clinic and a hospital is out for you; can I ask if you've explored alternate options? I imagine that the midwives you are talking to and hospitals you are considering are public health, but if you wanted to do it from home, you could potentially look at home visits from midwives, online anti-natal classes or even a birth doula. I'm not sure what your thinking is in what to do with November but exploring some of this might be able to help have a safe birth at home.

Is it helping to be able to share things on the forum? Or is there maybe another way that we can all support you in this?

rt

[romantic_thi3f]

P.S.

I also wanted to add that a good therapist isn't going to dismiss how you're feeling. I'm seeing one right now and her support is basically "this situation sucks and we are doing the best we can to cope". This isn't your fault - I think you are coping the best way that you can.

Seeing a therapist doesn't take away your own ability to 'fix it' either - it's just having someone else on your team.

rt

[Guest_4521]

We can't afford those things, sadly....and I have never needed a doula.

It's not about therapy "taking" anything away, it's just I already know why I feel the way I do, and what needs to happen for it to stop.

But none of that can happen.

I already know it sucks.

Therapy isn't going to change anything. I'm not a talker I'm a get up and get things done.

[Behebsbwna]

Funny thing. I clicked on this cos I myself am not coping too. And surprise surprise! Like you, I am pregnant and I am due next month! =_= but I agree 100% with everything you said. The fear of catching this virus, the exhaustion from dealing with the existing children (and their wellbeing/learning) and most importantly, what the lemons am I doing with this life growing in my body. Life is hard enough as it is and I am physically and mentally drained to even start thinking about this upcoming ‘challenge’.

I broke down and cried the day Andrews announced the stage 4 lockdown. I started panicking that morning when the news were about people queuing up to stock up (and my pantry & fridge were empty). And it just had to be the same day when my partner told me he has to get tested cos he’s got some mild symptoms. I was angry and sad and confused and just wished life would just end so I didn’t have to deal with all that. I am also not working (quit my banking job a year ago due to mom guilt and pressure from the industry) but managed to start sewing face coverings the last few weeks (which I had to stop very abruptly the same day cos I just couldn’t deal with everything).

but.. *deep breath ... I managed to get in touch with a gf that same arvo and got most items I need for baby from her (car seat...change table...girl clothes). Of course I bought some too since. And you’re able to do the same. I got mine from Best & Less (I put my kids in onesies or long sleeve & tights until they’re one). Also got some from target. So you ARE able to buy them still. Yes they’ll take a while to arrive but you have a few more months to prep than me 🙂

As for prenatal care, I am attending my sessions (every fortnight now) and it sucks that I have to drive myself there and attend them alone through out this whole pregnancy (partner never even been to an ultrasound let alone to other appointments). I am shivers scared that I have 2deliver alone but thank god DHHS cleared that (partner can stay during labour and after). even though we have to be tested now before we go2hospital, I’ve confirmation that the hospital will not refuse treatment/assistance if I do have covid. I don’t think they’ll separate Ufrom baby even if Udo catch it. If Udon’t believe me, I think best to confirm with the hospital you’re seeking services from. If not, it’s not too late to change and find a hospital that suitsU

thanks 4 all that you’ve said cos now I feel Im not the only one feeling like this.