What’s wrong with me?

[Jay bird]

Iam 43. A professional. I have a family.

i have had periods of depression and anxiety in my past- have always overcome it...but lately I have been waking up feeling this overwhelming sadness. No other way to describe it. Not about anything in particular, just sad...and it can last all day.

i have had a rough few years with normal teenage drama, that brought up some old buried trauma, then my husband semi-cheated, and I changed jobs to something I thought I’d live but am actually hating. A lifetime goal and it’s shit.

and I feel stuck becoming less confident as the days go on, wondering what the hell is wrong with me and wondering if I’m going to end up a weird hermit old lady. And then it all

becomes too much energy to think about and I fall deeper into this pit of sad can’t be stuffed-ism or other end and I just hate everyone.

so....what’s wrong with me? And how do I stop it.
and no, this is not something I would talk to people I know about because it’s a drag and they don’t need to hear my negative crap.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

From 12yo till 53yo I had spurts of sadness, very deep sadness. Some said I’m emotional/ I was, sensitive- definitely and moody/ oh yeh.

Eventually in 2009 I attended a psychiatrist. It so happened there was a second psych sitting in on the meeting during his lunch hour.

He dealt with the moods, depression and hypomania- nipolar2. Ok. Then he asked- “in your childhood did you ever feel trauma”? I denied I did. Then my wife reminded me of an incident at 12yo when my older brother, a diabetic, had a fit in our pool. I got him to safety and parents administered jam, but they were unaware I was in shock. I didn’t speak for 3 month- not one word.

Eventually all returned to normal so everyone believed. I never really recovered. Diagnosis in 2009? Dysthymia!

Easy treatment, a low low dose of anti depressants- problem solved, sadness that is.

The moral of this story is crucially we need the right diagnosis. That’s where I’d start.

All the best

TonyWK

[SarahZ]

Hello Jay bird,

Welcome to the forums and thanks so much for reaching out.

I'm so sorry to hear that you have been waking up feeling down recently. It must be hard dealing with a sadness when you cannot pinpoint the cause of it. From your post I can tell you've had a difficult past few years dealing several things including dealing with past trauma and your husband's behaviour, which must have been really hurtful. Sometimes its strangely easier talking about our issues to strangers. I would really encourage you to get in touch with the really friendly counsellors at the Support Service. They're available anytime, 24/7, on 1300 22 4636. Alternatively, you can reach them on Webchat on this website www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport. It sounds like you're going through a hard time so it might be beneficial seeking some professional support. The counsellors here are really supportive and not only offer short-term support but can also provide you with advice and referrals to help you through this rough period. However, just know these forums are always here for you and to listening to you. What you're saying isn't negative crap at all. It's important thoughts and stories of yours which me, and I'm sure many others, want to listen to. Do you feel like your past anxiety and/or depression may be surfacing up again?

Wishing you all the best and hope to hear from you soon if you feel up to it ~