No where to go but up…

Shadow

… or so they say.

And so I used to believe.

What felt like rock bottom wasn’t the worst but in that moment it would feel it. But still the fire would ignite and perseverance and grit would kick in - raising me to a place better than when I started.

Admittedly I was partially inspired just to prove to those who had wronged me that they hadn’t broken me. And I believed in the good karma that would return to those with integrity. Those who fought for others. For a better world. I always gave 110% of me.

But it has been many years and this time, I feel broken. I was not made for this world and I don’t know how to exist in it any longer with the society norms that are ever so heavy. The effort of leaving the house and trying to stay positive/happy mask only to be met with ‘that I’m too much’ or ‘not enough’.

This time I feel no desire to get up and try, no hope for a better future, no faith in people at all.
Least of all in myself, after everything that’s happened to me throughout life - they’ve just turned me into another one of them. Just another black heart - only one thing remains the same …despite its colour I still wear it on my sleeve for all to see.

And with that brings the darkest of times.

Croix

Dear Shadow~

I'd like to welcome you here to the Forum. A good choice as it may help you cope with the hard times life has handed you by looking around for others who have been in the same circumstances.

In the past when at rock bottom you have coped and overcome, partly though a desire to show others you are not completely down, and partly though your own inbuilt strenght.

This time that resilience has not kicked in as yet and you feel no hope. Is there anything special about this time?

Other peole have not turned you to be like them , it is obvious that you have kindness (helping and encouraging Stephanie), partly by your approval of those that try to help others, and partly by your giving everything you have to make a better world.

One could not really ask for a better list of character traits.

Yes, people do wrong others, and some may not appreciate the efforts involved in leaving the house and being with others. Still there are many who are like you and have similar characters, people worth seeking out and valuing. They do come in all ages and places.

I'm encouraged that despite everything you have resolved to see other social groups where indeed you may find friends . If there is one near you the Men's Table could be of interest, as could the Mens Shed, both are very general.

May I ask the sorts of things you are interested in or enjoy? I would be surprised if there are not groups with similar tastes.

You know you are always welcome here

Croix