No help available

[interloper]

I live in a country town in Victoria, so options are automatically limited.

I have seen 3 GPs, 2 psychologists, 1 counsellor, 1 mental health care nurse, tried meds, etc.

I am at my wits end. Firstly nothing.... nothing, relieves my symptoms.

The first psych gave me the "google-list" of self-help (exercise, diet, music, gratitude lists, hobbies, etc) and that I was being dismissive, even though I had been doing all that stuff. Then I saw the counsellor, who straight up told me he couldn't help. My current psych is making no headroad with me at all and said so herself that she was running out of ideas.

My GP suggested trying meds again, which I was reluctant about. I keep hearing you need to try different medication, so I made myself open to the idea. A liver function test showed issues (despite not being a heavy drinker, taking nothing else, and living a clean life), so he won't prescribe one type of meds and says another type won't help me. He is focussed on the next option being a psychiatrist two hours away. I did some research, and saw a different GP to get a referral to a visiting psychiatrist (again, not keen, but I'm trying to stay open minded). New GP said that psychologist was rubbish, meds are rubbish, and to "try being more positive" and had I "heard about homeopathy".

I am done with this. It is plastered everywhere that help is available, but my experience over the last couple of years says that unless you are a bored housewife or have a lust for material things and need to come to terms with this stuff then it goes in the "too hard" basket. The basket where I live. There is no real help available. I've spoken with phone counsellors here and on LifeLine, and they are in a difficult position and ultimately cannot do anything. Ultimately, I am convinced that there is no help available.

If you've made it this far, thanks. If you've been in a similar situation and found a way to access meaningful help please let me know what you did, because I am ready to give up.

[startingnew]

hi interloper

ive been in that position! and i was pretty much ready to give up until i found these forums.

just being able to express what im feeling and having people aorund me here being supportive and actually 'hearing' me has kinda made a big difference to me.

ive been through 2 gps and have just found a good one, im up to my 4th psychologist and im on medications and have tried naturopathy as well

that could be an option - naturopathy- if you havent tried that before.

im not fully aware of your situation or diagnoses.... id be happy to hear more about you if you up for it?

ive also created a coping strategies thread, maybe theres something on there that you havent tried yet.

mayeb you could try a psychiatrist- these actually specialise in medications so you might have more luck with them..

[interloper]

I'm glad you found solace by discussing things. I often feel like doing so makes no difference, or can make things worse sometimes.

I have symptoms of dysthymia, and am anhedonic most of the time. I don't know why.

I am nihilistic in my view of life. I came to the realisation a while ago that there is no meaning to life; that objectively our existence is pointless, and we can only create subjective meaning which is false, or only faux at best. That most of humanity is tricking itself into thinking that life has meaning and value, and I cannot do the mental gymnastics any more.

I don't see my mental health and philosophical ideas and being linked explicitly. I believe that you must be crazy or naive to think otherwise.

No one I've spoken to seems to know what to say to that...

[Kazzl]

Hi interloper, welcome to the forum.

I'm a bit taken by your thoughts on being crazy or naive. When I think too much about the world I'm inclined to agree with you! And that's when I turn off the TV news.

And often I find myself challenging assumptions about words like 'crazy' or 'naive' or 'sensitive' being bad. I am often naive, a bit delusional, unreasonably optimistic and perpetually crazy (by my own definition of the word) and they are not bad places to be y'know.

Yes there is pain and sadness, but there can also be simple pleasures that mean nothing to others but make my life valuable to me. And there can be little pleasures of my own making - seeing someone smile because I smiled at them, feeling brave because I chatted to someone I don't know, seeing someone enjoy a meal I cooked, taking an afternoon nap and not feeling guilty ... simple things make me happy and, generally, big things don't.

This might sound a bit hippy dippy or new agey or such, but I really do think you find the answers within you. Yes we all need help from others and from professional services when we're unwell (and I see that you are not well-served there), but sometimes the starting point has to be helping ourselves. One small thing can start a change that grows.

Set aside the big things in life, over which we have no control, and think about what gives you pleasure. Try not to intellectualise it, just go with your gut instinct. What do you enjoy?

Or, if you want to intellectualise it, which is not a bad thing in itself by the way, try some basic cognitive behavioural therapy on yourself, especially thought replacement (negative to positive). Takes some doing, but if you persist it can help you change things.

Here's a book I recommend - Change Your Thinking, by Dr Sarah Edelman. A well respected reference on CBT - it helped me a lot.

Best wishes

Kaz

[interloper]

Hi Kaz,

Thanks for your reply. I'd love to take pleasure in things but I find it difficult to do so. Anything that I could do, if I made a list of pros and cons the negatives would be greater in number and intensity every time. For example, I have a motorbike. I enjoy riding it because of the sense of freedom it provides, the snap of it accelerating, and the feeling of cornering well. I don't enjoy it because of the cost of rego and insurance, the ecological footprint it creates, the uncomfortable nature of riding it for a significant period of time, and the constant threat of being booked for speeding if you go a few kilometres over the limit. Rationally, it stacks up as a bad thing, and I have advertised it to sell it. I could do this for everything in life.

The other thing you mentioned is the little things like a shared smile, etc. I wouldn't want to take anyone's happiness away, and if that brings you joy then that is good. For me though I don't see the value. We're all meaningless creatures existing on a rock orbiting a random star in a corner of a vast galaxy positioned in an ever expanding and infinite universe. An extremely small percentage of the 7 billion people alive now will be completely forgotten and no trace of their existence remaining in a century: a speck in the passage of time. So why bother?

I appreciate your suggestions, but I cannot see how to turn these "negatives" into "positives", when they are neutral truths and my response is unhappiness. I am sorry if I come across the wrong way too...

[topsy_]

Hi Interloper

Your first post could have be written by me - I went/have been through that & more. Umpteen medications & years of sexual abuse as a child. I live in country NSW but as a bit larger place do have a few more facilities.

Where I ended up in the end was having ECT. It did pretty bad things to my memory but it did save my life. At that time I was a single parent to 3 little girls so I had to try & stay alive to raise them.

With that accomplished I then met a man who wanted to marry me (can you sense I was a bit passive about that?). We have been married nearly 19 years now. My husband has schizophrenia & diabetes so we spend a lot of time at the doctors & chemist!!

I often wonder what the value of life/living is. We are born, we live & we die - for what? I find myself with a husband, daughters & grandchildren who love me. I have promised my husband I will not take my life while he's alive but all bets are off afterwards.

Also I have made another decision I suspect no-one will understand or approve of. I suffered for years to get to the level of functioning I am now & I can still have to endure months of pain & darkness. Accordingly I am not going to have all those recommended tests for cancer etc. If I get something like cancer - well we all have to die of something. I don't have it in me to fight for my life again.

So I kind of can relate to what you have said.

With kind thoughts, Lyn.

[Broken_Biscuit_Blues]

I had ECT back in 2001 At the time I was in hospital too far gone to be bothered talking to the doctors or nurses or anybody other that my mum. just laying in bed all day smashed on high doses of various medication

t seemed to help a bit, it knocked my short term memory around at the time but it recovered pretty quickly.

It was however no miracle cure. it took me a long time to get back on my feet, and now I am really struggling again just keeping my head above water and fearing I will be powerless to stop things heading back to 2001

[interloper]

Hi Lyn and BBB.

It is interesting to hear that some people don't ever feel completely better. I felt like this would be the case for me but keep getting told that I will eventually get better. It makes me feel like I am very broken. To know that there are others who don't move out of this is somehow comforting. Not that it makes our days any better.

[JessF]

Hello interloper, I am not in a rural area so I thank my lucky stars that I haven't been in the position of having little help to choose from at the times I've needed to reach out. If you don't click with a psychologist, then it can be very difficult to make progress.

That said, you do mention that you have seen a number of professionals, 7 if I count right from your first post, and still don't feel you are making progress. This is either extremely unlucky, or there are more questions to be answered.

Psychological therapy is hard, hard work. I can see a number of statements in your posts so far that perhaps shed some light on why it has been slow going for you so far. This one really stood out for me:

"I'm glad you found solace by discussing things. I often feel like doing so makes no difference, or can make things worse sometimes."

A belief like that will make it very difficult to engage properly in therapy. It will affect how willing you are to explore your thoughts and feelings, and how you might go about changing your perspective.

Kazzl has recommended a good book, I would like to add another one, called Learned Optimism by Dr Martin Seligman. There is decades of research that shows how core negative, nihilistic beliefs are absolutely linked to depression.

I'm not sure how deeply you have attempted to challenge your beliefs in the past, and this may be worth examining.

Your last post about setting your expectations around what 'better' looks like is also a good one. It's unreasonable for others to set expectations of how and when we will get 'better', or even what that means. That is something we have to discover for ourselves.

[interloper]

Hi Jess.

I think I approach talking sessions with an open mind and with the view to make a difference. I have found that no one can help me unpick the matrix of ideas that I have.

-> If nothing is permanent, and everything we do will be erased in a short period of time = nothing means anything objectively

= only meaning can be derived from subjectivity

= subjectivity is not true meaning (my meaning may conflict with your meaning, extreme example: Hitler, Pol Pot, et al. Or even things like my comfort being derived from others suffering, e.g. factory workers in Asia, Pacific Islanders because of climate change)

= my personal subjective meaning is null and void

= why bother doing anything meaningless

= why bother living

Even when applied to something more abstract like happiness, why does it matter at all if I am happy or not? I'm going to die soon (in any measurement of significance) anyway. I mean, we don't care if ants are happy: their lives are short-lived and relatively meaningless.

I want to break these ideas apart and see the flaws in them but no one seems able to. Like you say, I am either very unlucky or there are more questions (like what the hell is actually causing me to think like this). I don't think that there is anything incorrect with the series of idea above. So if they are not wrong, then what? Do I try and deceive myself? I don't know - no one can tell me.

Like I said, I think I am at the end of my tether with regards to professionals. I plan to give the books you and Kazzl recommended. My job involves a lot of reading outside of work hours, so it will take time to get through them, but I guess I have to find time.