No girlfriend lead to my depression.

[Hopelessnick]

I just want to share my story and am open to any advice.

I've always wanted to have a girlfriend, but have struggled, mainly due to my shyness in public and lack of social skills (I don't know how to socialise about "fun" things. I do say funny one liners quite a bit though and people laugh.) I am also insecure about my voice when I talk loudly, so I speak in a very quiet voice and most of the time, people need me to repeat what I said.

By the way, I'm Asian who sees myself as a true blue Aussie, so my mates are all Caucasians.

Anyway, that made me avoid social situations and made me stay at home a lot. As a result, I have become very distant with my friends.

Then I stopped caring about my hygiene and hardly brush my teeth or shower.

Now I feel like I'm stuck in bed in front of the TV 24/7. I work from home as well do to COVID-19.

Every time I see a girl I find attractive on Tiktok who goes live, I try to socialise with them on their stream, but it makes me feel even more depressed. I can't help doing it even though it makes me feel sad.

What should I do? I don't want to see a therapist unless I absolutely have to.

Thanks in advance.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I understand your problem having been shy and not fitting in with others when I was young. I'm 64yo.

It isnt because you are of Asian decent, nor that you speak quietly. These are character thraits and some people will find those personal factors appealing. It is likely your confidence is very low and this along with not finding a GF has caused you to fall into depression.

It is most important you visit your GP and have a discussion. Tell him you dont want therapy but you dont mind talking to him/her.

Also, there is nothing that beats traditional means to meet someone. Is there a sport you like that is mild physically like volleyball, table tennis etc. Your ambition should be to meet new friends and from there on extend your friendship base that will lead to meeting a girl, not primarily to meet a girl. There is a difference. A wide friendship base will allow you to gain confidence and others will interact with you.

Select a hobby. I selected a motorcycle club and girls were members.

If you can afford it buy some new clothes, this will give you some confidence.

Set an alarm to go off in the morning and put it on snooze, the moment it goes off again rise from bed and spent the 20 minutes for a shower and hygiene routine. Be strict with yourself, you never know when that one girl will enter your life and she wont be interested in you for that basic reason- appearance and self control.

Change your mentality. You are worthy, you are unique, you are a one off person- no one else in the world is like you!!

Google

Beyondblue topic only the strongest survive- make it you

Beyondblue topic do we expect a smooth road in life?

Beyondblue topic confidence- how do you get it?

Beyondblue topic switching mindsets

Beyondblue topic being positive- what's the secret?

clear the road- I'm on my way

Repost anytime

TonyWK

[Gambit87]

Hey! Welcome to the forums.

I had a similar experience.

Growing up id never really had a girlfriend. Id have flings and id 'date' girls but i never really connected with anyone to form a relationship.

Then it struck me one day - I was trying to hard to impress, I wasn't actually looking after myself. So I ended up just taking a step back and just focused on myself, doing things I wanted to do, going out and just having fun without setting the expectation I needed to meet someone.

I got a wee bit drunk one night and thought tinder was a good idea - forgot about it - then after a week or 2 I opened it again and I found I was matched with someone... she is my now my partner of 5 years and still going strong. I wasn't actively looking for a partner - it just happened.

Move your focus to your friends, joining interest groups/clubs etc. Take a step back and start focusing on yourself! YOU are important. I know its hard! but its worth it.

all the best mate.