New guy just struggling.. again

[SteveB1978]

Hello,

My first post here.. feels safe to open up a bit on here.. I’ve struggled with depression since 2005 (after some traumatic evens) I was put on medication but never really felt it helped much.. but I got through it eventually and enjoyed most days until about 2017. My marriage was falling apart for many reasons, however February 2018 we separated. I feel I was forced out, we owned a fitness business but she lost my trust from a previous affair and always having guys over from the gym.. the wheels where definitely falling off.
Anyway since the separation and now divorce my whole life has fallen apart.. She set the situation up and I basically lost everything including our fitness business which she now runs.. I’ve been in and out of jobs but nothing has really worked out. I see our kids, 35% of the time but been hard to adjust not seeing them everyday.. this is just the very small story of all the mess I currently feel in.. but it’s a small start to opening up. Currently my depression and anxiety is very crippling. Just really want to not feel like this.. just don’t know if I can ever get through this.

that’s it for now.. thanks for ready.. hope it makes a bit of sense.. and my head is in a spin from the mess I’m in right now.

[SteveB1978]

Hello everyone,

thank you to all the replies. They are so nice to read. Deep into depression feels so lonely, but it is nice to be part of the BB group.
Today is such a low day, usually happens every second Wednesday when I drop my kids back to school as they then return to their mum. I feel busy and worthy around my kids, when there gone it is so hard to adjust again, I miss them so much when they are not around.
their mum makes my symptoms so much worse it’s like she knows I really struggle on drop off days.. I usually get an abusive text from her about something. In my mind I know I am doing everything I can. I pay above and beyond just child support but I’m totally broke after I use every cent I have for my kids. When you feel hopeless she definitely knows how to keep you feeling that way.
sorry, was a bit of a vent message but this is my only outlet now.
thank you all for those who read this.

Steve

[blondguy]

Hey Steve....thankyou for your kind post too!

you never have to apologise for posting about the pain you are going through...ever

When we have an ex that is 'upset' it can have a detrimental affect on our well being...I understand and respect what you are saying..The drop off is a bad place to be in Steve...especially when we have zero support/empathy from our ex partner...and unfortunately this seems to happen frequently...

For you to take the time to share your feelings shows you are strong...and then some!

I know its not much help to you now...yet you spoke from the heart when you mentioned....

* In my mind I know I am doing everything I can....and

* I pay above and beyond just child support but I’m totally broke after I use every cent I have for my kids....

Please be proud of being the great dad you are Steve

we are here...and listening

Paul

[SteveB1978]

Hello everyone,

hope everyone is coping with these scary times, and keeping well.

well, after waiting 3 months for my first Psychology appointment i finally attended my first session today. My psychologist was really good, and very nice, caring and supportive kind of man. Gave me a chance to talk and gave me some helpful reminders of things to do when my situation seems hopeless and overwhelming. I am so determined to not live like this anymore, some of the things the psychologist told me to do, seem so simple but in saying that I never do them. It’s definitely time to get the help and do whatever it takes.

that’s it for now, take care everyone.

steve