How do I help a partner suffering from depression?

[Djk78]

hey all, new to these forums but I am desperate.
My partner of 6 years has suffered with depression for around the last 4 or so years. I feel as though it started after our son was born. Things had been okay until he was under alot of pressure in his mining job about 18 months ago and he quit. He then went to a job he was kind of enjoying until he was involved in a motorbike accident mid last year. He was off work for a while and decided to go back to mining despite my concerns for his mental health. He has now been back there about 5 months and his mental health has rapidly declined. He was seeing a psychologist while he was off work after his accident but stopped going to appointments. He has started to push everyone away and everyone has noticed the difference in him. Other than telling him that I'm here for him and to support him what else can I do.? I've read so many pages and articles about depression and supporting someone dealing with it but i don't think anything prepares you for the stress and emotional roller-coaster that comes with being a support person.

We are in the middle of building a house and just brought a new car so at this present time him leaving his job would put us in an even more stressful situation. I think buying all the things was a coping mechanism for him but I think he realises now it hasnt helped.

Please help... trying to keep my life in order for the sake of my kids and also trying to be there for him is slowly destroying me. I want nothing more than to help him through this but I'm just so unsure as to how I do that.1

[ErinB]

Hey Djk78,

I'm sorry you're both struggling so much. Please remember to take care of yourself first and foremost. Your mental health and that of your children's are your #1 priority.

Do you think he would be more willing to go back to therapy if you did it together? He may be able to talk through some of his issues while you work out how to do life together. Have you tried sitting him down and asking him what you can do to help or how you can make things easier for him? You absolutely don't need to change things to suit him but I know that when someone asks me what they can do to help, sometimes something as simple as bringing me a drink or taking me for a drive can help.

I hope things get easier for you soon.

All the best!

[Djk78]

Thanks for your reply ErinB!

Hes never been a talker which doesn't help in situations like this.
We did go to his psychologist together once as they wanted to hear my side of it but they didn't seem that interested in any more sessions together.

I've tried asking what I can do to help but he just says nothing! Which makes it tricky :(

[TheBigBlue]

Hi Djk78,

As someone suffering & struggling with depression myself, here is what I wish my partner could sometimes do for me.

A hug. One of those really long lasting, tightly squeezed hugs. Sometimes that’s all I want/need from him.

Checking in. When I returned to work I was really anxious & my partner texted me a few times throughout the day to see how I was doing. I really appreciated that.

talking. I have confided in my partner a few times with some really distressing stuff. He was comforting at the time, but then he never mentioned it again. Whether he thought it was too painful for me, or he didn’t know how to approach it, but it would be really nice just to be asked how I was doing sometime, or just acknowledge it somehow.

Sometimes being depressed can feel incredibly lonely. You feel like no one understands, no one cares, you feel insignificant or ignored. You feel like a burden to everyone around you. So if there’s anything you can think of that might make him realise you love & care would really help. Even something really simple like cooking his favourite meal, or watching his favourite movie.

if he isn’t comfortable talking about stuff, maybe you could ask him to write it down for you. He may or may not be comfortable with this. I just started writing stuff down for my psychologist & it took me a little while but it started to feel therapeutic. Only my psychologist reads it but I feel like I can get stuff out better than trying to verbally share it.

Not sure if any of that will help, but wishing you all the best in whatever you try.