New Girlfriend depression , shuts down .

[OU812]

Hi guys ,

I been struggling with depression / anxiety for a while and in the last 8 months I have left my wife which has decreased my stress a lot but recently I have met someone new that gave me support and just a real boost in happiness .

I feel recently that the honeymoon period is over and I'm seeing some unusual traits , I'm in the best shape myself but some things worry me.

my girlfriend has these moments where she will find something difficult to deal with and she shuts down , more accurately she puts her head down for long periods of times and ignores anything around her and when you speak to her it's a mumble like when someone is drunk and just vomited and doesn't want to speak , I find this very unusual .

I want to support her where I can and I wait it out and talk to her about what happens but I feel the talks aren't helping much.

she does everything the hard way , she almost complains about everything around her except me but I am seeing that it could be rolling over me now from a couple of comments she has made .

her kids don't listen to her and don't clean up anything after themselves , the house is always messy, I feel she is struggling everyday and I try to help her with chores

I want to help her but I think there is some issues here with her and I'm not sure if she needs to talk to someone.

her mother which suffered mental health problems passed away about 2 years ago and is still struggling with it ,

I'm not sure if her issues are hereditary but she also has hormone issues .

i really don't know how to deal with this , I want to help her but I get the feeling she needs some help .

[geoff]

hello OU812, it's good that you have contacted us because just to answer your question, is yes she will need some help, but it's how you can get her to accept and realise that this really needs to happen.
The trouble is you don't know how long she will be shut down for before you can talk with her, or whether what you talk about is going to be beneficial or not, and now the honeymoon period is over and as this has just begun then you're not sure if it's going to get worse.
I'm sure her kids don't have much respect for her which must be an issue she isn't able to cope with and you may know why this is happening, but sometimes if a parent is suffering from depression of any kind, then the kids take hold of the household and do whatever they want to.
This can be rectified but only when this person (your g/friend)begins to feel better and then becomes stronger, however has she mentioned that she needs to take any medication, and this could have been hidden in the honeymoon period or whether she has seen a psychologist, these are the questions you need to ask her, and if the answer to these is no and no, then suggest that she goes and sees her doctor and that you would go with her.
I do think that this would be a good idea, but you have to get her to answer these questions.
Let us know how you get on. Geoff.

[Blue_Jane]

Hi there

Thanks for sharing what is going on with you.

Great to hear that you are in good shape, especially when coming out of a marriage only recently and experiencing depression and anxiety.

I agree with Geoff, your girlfriend sounds like she needs help. She is lucky that you have identified that something isn't right. Supporting someone with a mental health issue is hard but very doable.

The first step is to encourage her to make an appointment with her GP. The GP will have a variety of ideas which you and your girlfriend can then discuss together.

I have had two partners with depression. My ex and I tried but our relationship wasn't strong enough to work through his depression. My husband also suffers from depression but he is great at managing it overall. We certainly have had difficult times but that was earlier in our relationship and now we both understand the best way to manage it. Plus I have anxiety so he has to support me sometimes too!

Please let us know how you go.

Blue Jane

[OU812]

Thanks guys for the nice comments.

i just feel awkward about saying something , we have been together for just over 4 months and approaching this could be a challenge , her ex also mentioned she needed to see someone which she was very defensive about and then coming from me as well might seem like everyone is attacking her my thought anyway.