New feelings.

[ItsWhatever]

I've been struggling for these past few months now with feelings I'm not sure how to describe. I have plenty of good days i think, but i know that deep down-- I'm really not happy. It feels like I have all this pent up sadness and frustration but I can't fully feel it. I feel a little empty I suppose. Or like I've been hurting for so long, that now it's just faded into the background and just lingers constantly in the back of my mind. But I would go to school, get busy with school work and volleyball so it wasn't that bad I suppose. But with this virus I'm suddenly left alone with my thoughts. Now I'm struggling to see anything to look forward to anymore. School work is beginning to pile, and I'm too nervous to look at it and I constantly feel like I'm not good enough because I'm avoiding the work, while my friend is acing every assignment. Even now as I'm writing this I feel the pressure of not studying.

My friends and I have made a list of things to do when we're allowed to do so, but it's just hard to fully feel excited about them because of what I'm going through. I'm just so tired.

I've never been one to tell friends how I'm feeling especially because I can barely comprehend these feelings myself. I can't talk to my parents about it. I don't really know what to do. I just want to cry and lay down-- but I haven't even be able to do that really either.

I've never felt this exhausted and nervous and empty before. And I don't know what to do, because these thoughts are so new I'm scared. I just want it to stop. Does anyone know what these thoughts could mean? Am I being unreasonable? Is there anything I can do, myself, to get better?

[Sophie_M]

Hi ItsWhatever,

We understand how difficult it can be to reach out for support, but we are so glad that you've done so here tonight. It sounds like you’ve been feeling very overwhelmed with these new feelings, as well as feeling the pressure from your school work, we are sorry that you’re in such a tough space right now. Please know that you’re not alone in this and that our community is here to work through this difficult time with you. We are also contacting you through email with some additional support.

We hope that you continue to check back in with our community and let us know how you're going when you feel up to it. 

[TishaJade]

Hi ItsWhatever,

Firstly, It's great you've come to Beyond Blue to talk about your feelings. In my experience, talking to people here has really helped with some of my struggles.

I believe everybody in some way suffers feelings of sadness underneath the everyday life we immerse ourselves in, and keeping busy is often the way to ignore it. Unfortunately, yourself and many others during this outbreak are stuck at home, with these thoughts most likely lingering, festering and making a right mess of your head right now. It is hard when you have negative thoughts and anxiety because one part of your brain is tired and unmotivated, doesn't feel excitement or much joy, and is constantly feeling bad about everything. Whilst the other is worried and always thinking that you haven't done enough, or that you are going to fall behind. One part of you cares too much, whilst the other doesn't care at all. And that's confusing for anyone.

Routine is great to keep the mind occupied, and even though you are confined right now, try and set yourself up into a routine where you spend time doing something to put your worries at ease and reward yourself by doing something recreational. eg: Watching a movie after an hour's study. Remember that it is okay to not feel good or up for something, and it doesn't make you a bad person for just not feeling it. Try spending this time focusing on what makes you happy, the things that lift your spirits. Being creative often helps because you are able to feel a sense of accomplishment. For example, writing a story, drawing, making music.

It's important to know that feeling down is perfectly normal, and you shouldn't make yourself feel terrible about it. For some people, it helps to allow the feelings of sadness to come and pass on its own.

I'd suggest talking to your friends about how you feel, you might be surprised how understanding they are and they might even feel similarly to you and have pointers of their own to share. May I ask why you can't talk to your parents?

I hope I have been able to help you.

Hugs x

TishaJade

[Jeeb]

Hey ItsWhatever

I find what you're describing to be very relatable. For years I struggled with the same thoughts/feelings, and regrettably cultivated the habit of detaching from, avoiding and neglecting them. Unfortunately it took me having multiple full-blown psychological breakdowns to finally acknowledge just how unbalanced and unhealthy my internal chemistry had become (not meaning to frighten you haha)

My point is, I often wish someone had told me much earlier what I'm about to tell you now. You're not being unreasonable at all, if you feel like something is off, that's probably because something is, and your body is trying to get you to pay attention to it. These "new" thoughts and feelings are big red warning signs that you've been neglecting your emotional needs for too long, and its time to re-connect with yourself.

I would suggest you spend some of this time in lockdown to experiment with yourself and start developing your insight. You can find a lot of helpful resources online to that effect. Some things that have helped me have been meditation, re-investing myself in old hobbies/interests I had abandoned, reading about psychology and philosophy, journaling and talking to friends/family ect. You can ask yourself questions, be honest with yourself and try not to flee away from the answers. Are my needs being met? Is there something I want out of life I'm missing? What have I feared in the past? And what has made me happy? Are my thoughts constantly inward focused? Negative/self-critical? Or are they externally oriented, worried and anxious? What themes keep cropping up? Do I have any unhealthy habits/addictions that could be contributing? If I could act out my feelings right now, what would I do? The important thing is to be patient and curious, acknowledge your thoughts and emotions as they are, without judging or pushing them away, they have things to tell you.

As for procrastinating on schoolwork, hey, I'm in the same boat! You're not doing it because you're lazy/incapable in any way, just avoiding the uncomfortable feelings currently associated with your study, which is completely understandable.

Bottom line, when it comes to looking out for your mental health, there's no right time to start, sooner is better than later, and you can always do better than "not that bad." If you try but things keep getting worse, trust me don't wait on principle, see a therapist (seriously, just do it).

Hope something I said struck a chord 🙂