New Dad, depression, seeking help

[Thumb]

Somethings about me, I am the foreigner which live in aus. I feel getting worse of my depression. (High Score of the test)

This is my story:

Our 1st baby came on December, and my mother in law was came to help us. We had told her please help us for a meal & some house work. On the 1st week, everything goes fine. Me & my wife surely couldn’t have much sleep or no sleep. When we back to home, everything was changed, my in-law doesn’t help us much, she just cooked a meal for my wife, and I need to cook my meal by myself, that’s fine , I can eat everything or just have a takeaway food.since I back to work , working from 6am to 7 pm, and I back to home, my wife doesn’t have any dinner , I need to cook for us. After dinner settle baby, leak of sleep. This is our 1 st one , I was committed with my wife I always give her a help, so when she woke up, I woke up also. My in law just laying on the floor, and watching tv. Whatever I do with the baby , my in law always blame me , said this’s wrong, that’s wrong, You shouldn’t do that. I am a new dad, I learned from internet&some course, I am fresh, I am trying. Finally we pay$1000 to send her back to home. I knew my wife had a depression too, so we went to GP, and went to the Psychologist. I took an other week off to help her to recover, finally she is fine now.

I found I had a depression on March, I try to speak to my friends, they just said,”it’s normal , it will pass” I read a lot of article , I known nothing is 100%good, just need good enough. I do sports twice a week, I can handle my baby ok.

but in this week, every word from my in law she was blamed me suddenly come back to my mind. When my baby crying,I couldn’t settle her. Feel like she don’t want me anymore.I am feeling I am worthless, useless, I am feeling upset, helpless. I would like to tell someone but no one can help. I don’t think the Psychologist can help me, because I think most of them are forcing on women postpartum depression. Everyone asked me how’s my baby, how’s my wife, my no one care about daddy’s also have a postpartum depression.

I don’t know where I can get some help specially for the daddy’s postpartum depression? I need some help I need some advice, I wondering if I can get help here?

It’s a long story, I hope someone can understand and

Hopefully my English wasn’t too bad

thanks

[Thumb]

This a part of my story, past is pass. I just want to recover. I am 100% positive & cheerful people.

[Croix]

Dear Thumb~

Welcome to the Forum. Don't worry about your English, it is fine. I'm sorry you are finding things so difficult at the moment. Having a new baby in the household is a very taxing time for anyone, particularly the first one as it means such a big change in lifestyle. Getting your mother in law to leave sounds as if it was a very good idea, she she appears to be a very disruptive and unhelpful person.

Working such long hours, having a new baby and a wife that has been having depression is pretty tough, and puts a lot of pressure on you. You said your wife is getting better, is she able to help withe the baby and cooking now?

Feeling you are worthless, useless, you are upset and helpless is not how you should feel. I think you should go see your GP (not necessarily your wife's) and explain the pressures on you and how you feel. I would not worry about labels. It does not really matter if this is "postpartum depression" or not. A doctor or other medical professional will try to treat the symptoms.

I know you miss not being able to tell anyone how you are, now that you wife is improving can you talk with her? You know you can talk with us anytime

Croix

[Thumb]

Hi Croix,

thanks for your reply.

My wife cook a dinner now, and she is helping on house work.

On that mother in law case, she stand on my side because she saw & knew what was happened.

I was thinking to go to GP, but I wanna know any organization is specially helping on men postpartum depression, because I went to that clinic which is have my wife treatment most of the patients are women, I really felt uncomfortable to tell my weakest side in there.

I had told my wife once all the worest emotions came , she tried to cheer me up.

I am feeling frustrated myself being like that, telling people (included my wife) how unhappy you are is not a great idea. My wife need to take care my baby, I don’t want my emotions influence her too much or make her worries me so much.

I feeling lost because I don’t know what I should do

[Thumb]

The most worst thing is when I can’t handle the baby I feeling why I can’t handle ? Am I not a good dad

[Croix]

Dear Thumb~

You are going though a bad patch, but it got better for me, I would expect it will get better for you. There are some things you said I would like to talk about for a moment.

First you are worried you cannot settle the baby down. I found from personal experience that humans are set up to respond to a bay's crying. It is an overriding instinct, and if the crying continues then stress levels rise and rise. You are already suffering from life's stresses, and this adds to it. The more stressed you get the less you are able to quiet the baby.

I also think they pick up their parent's thoughts and emotions, if you are unhappy I guess baby may become unhappy. So if after you have unsuccessfully tried to quieten baby and it does not work than hand over to your wife.

Being parents is a team effort.

I mentioned this before. I think it is a misdirection to worry about the nature of your depression. It takes a doctor to correctly diagnose illnesses. Think of it for now as 'general' depression and see how it goes.

As for telling someone how you feel. You may think it is being strong and considerate not to tell your wife how you are. I found out how strong and capable my wife was when faced with my illness. I'm very glad she knew what was happening.

You also have to remember helping the one you love is something one wants to do. There is no need to keep her isolated.

Croix

[Thumb]

Thabks croix, I think I need to visit a GP 1st