New and struggling

[Stuckinthis]

Hi,

I’m new to this forum, so please forgive me if I’m breaking any etiquette. I’m a female student in my twenties with depression and anxiety. I have some pretty serious avoidant tendencies and insomnia. This along with genes has given me a tendency towards addiction. If something blocks out my brain and helps me sleep I get hooked. It’s legal stuff and my latest has been the booze. Obviously with what’s going on anxiety levels are high and it’s gotten pretty bad and is causing a lot of tension with family. I don’t know how to talk to them frankly and have a lot of deadlines coming for coursework. There’s been a big blow-up tonight about it all and I’m terrified of stopping and facing the insomnia I have had in the past. It’s my first night sober in weeks and I have an essay due soon. I know my first stop should be the GP but with all this going on it’s up in the air, and our appointments are so short when I get new scripts. I feel nauseated with guilt and shame. I’m on a TCA as SSRIs were unhelpful, and I’ve been thinking about what would happen if I took a few more off and on for weeks. Whenever I feel that way I reach for a bottle to make it stop. I feel like if I tell my friends or family they’d send me somewhere. I guess I don’t really want to be me anymore. I’m going to try and sleep now, I’ve taken some drowsy antihistamine and I hope it works.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

Yes you’ve come to the right place.

As desperate as you are, I think you know the problem with reaching for the booze can only be remedied by yourself. Other people really have zero control over that, sadly.

With lack of sleep lies possibly the real core issue here. Fix that and you might well find everything will fall into place. That might include meds to assist you to sleep. You would be amazed how lack of sleep will effect your well being.

I suggest family members are just very concerned and it’s normal for you to go on the defensive however- they can’t be criticised for caring.

BTW all medications take about 6 weeks to work, they will not work when taken every now and then. This is really important and why GP’s prescribe them and give instructions.

listed below is some threads pertaining to sleep and other concerns. Just google them and read the first post.

reply anytime in those threads or here

beyondblue topic a good nights deep sleep

beyondblue topic anxiety, how I eliminated it

beyondblue topic he helped me for 25 years- Maharaji

TonyWK

[Tay100]

Hi Stuckinthis,

I'm sorry to hear that you having a rough time right now- I appreciate you reaching out to us. Being a student is so hard, and having life challenges in the mix can drain you and it make it harder to deal with both. Along with White Knight's great suggestions, can I gently suggest maybe asking your uni for some support? They don't need to know the full story, but asking for an extension or extra support may help alleviate the (academic-related) anxiety a bit.

A quick note, I get nausea too, a good way to alleviate the (physical) symptoms (for me, at least) is to drink peppermint tea, sucking on ice cubes and putting a cold cloth on my forehead and/or neck.

If you feel unsafe and are thinking about taking more SSRIs, perhaps reaching out to seek some structured support would be a good step. This can be daunting, you could ask your GP if you feel like comfortable with that, or directly reach out to a mental health service. We can navigate this process and help find a resource that is a good fit for you, if you like. You can check out the Beyond Blue links White Knight sent too. Feel free to check back with us, if you like: it's up to you. We are here.

Sending kindness,

Tay100

[lights_will_guide_you_hom]

Hi,

I can relate to a number of things you mentioned- I am also a student in my late twenties, I have certain struggles around depression and anxiety, and SSRIs failed with me. I have been on a TeCA.

I can understand where the statement of not wanting to be yourself anymore. I have some really dark days and I wish I was non-existent, or someone else. But we are we, and what has helped me is viewing myself from an outsider perspective. Maybe, ask your close friends to list three good things they see in you?

I can't speak much about whether you should share. Sometimes, sharing is hard. Sometimes, people who do mean well are not equipped with the tool to support us. But I am sure that no-one will send you anywhere.

About the medication, can I please ask you to be consistent? your brain has got used to the blue state and has downed certain chemicals. The medications are trying to get them right back up artificially. If we keep changing that, that will only confuse the system. I can promise you once your brain chemicals are back up to normal, you will feel a difference.

Do you have the option to book 30-minute session with your GP using Appointuit? May be give that a go, and take your time talking to your GP?

Many thanks to @White Knight for sharing the sleep resources. I can't share anything about alcohol, but I read it somewhere staying hydrated helps. Maybe dry low-alcohol drinks (I really have no idea what I am talking about, sorry).

Of course, keep talking. We are here to support you. Sometimes, just sharing, and knowing that you are heard, can ease a lot of the pain.

[mocha delight]

Hi stuckinthis first welcome and if you ever need to chat I’m here for you ok