New and looking for help

[Sejal]

Hi

I am new to this forum, ( I am a mother of two and currently pregnant with my third), I have a loving and supportive family.
As they say better to be late than sorry. I have decided that I need help with my anxiety, self worth issues, never been formally diagnosed, ( I have booked an appointment with our GP and shall be following his advise )

But meanwhile I am trying to connect with people who can help me walk through this phase of my life.

unemployment is my major concern (only been unemployed for past 3 years due to family circumstances ) but it has impacted me more than I thought it would, hubby has been kind enough to give me some spare money every month but I miss my financial freedom, it has put my self worth at stake, I sometimes feel tired of being worthless ( don’t get me wrong I love my family, but on personal level I feel unaccomplished ) I do have friends but I have problem opening up to them as I fear being judged.

I have had emotional breakdown a few times which does upset my family, making me all the more guilty of my actions, but the fact is I have never shared my concerns with anyone, not even to my husband.

I hope a good counsellor can help me address my issues and I just want to have a normal and happy life with no inhibitions about myself.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Sejal,

Welcome to our friendly online community. We are grateful that you have reached out here today as we know it can be tough to do this for the first time. We are so sorry to hear that you are feeling worthless. We understand that this feeling must be overwhelming, especially if you struggle to open up to others and reach out. Please know that you do not have to do this alone. Many in our community have had similar feelings and understand. Hopefully a few of them will pop by and offer you some words of kindness and advice.    It's great to hear that you have booked an appointment with a health professional. We think it's really strong of you and so important that you have been so proactive in recognising you need some help and seeking it. We recognise that this must be an overwhelming situation for you, so we just wanted to let you know that if you find yourself feeling particularly overwhelmed before receiving further mental health support, please know that there is help available to you.    The Beyond Blue Support Service on 1300 22 4636 or our friends at Lifeline on 13 11 14 are available to provide support and advice 24/7. Please do feel free to use these services to talk through what's on your mind when it's feeling like too much to cope with.   Please also feel free to keep us updated here on your thread with what you are feeling and experiencing whenever you feel up to it - we hope that you find this to be a safe and non-judgemental space.

[Croix]

Dear Seja~
Welcome here to the Forum. I have to say that circumstances, such as having a loving and supportive family is not something that always stops people feeling bad. I’ve had such a family all along and it only came into play in tandem with proper medical support.

I had a few problems, including depression and anxiety conditions, and the sort of things you are saying ring a bell. Feeling worthless, feeling guilty, having no accomplishment and anxiety all the time

OK so you are not earning at the moment and being independent moneywise is a big thing, something you don’t have at the moment, but may well later on.

So unlike me, who hung on and hung on till I basically had no choice, you are taking action, that’s great. My improvement started with competent medical support.

No that’s not quite true, I did share how I felt frankly with one other, and that made a big difference. Trying to cope in isolation is very hard.

There is one thing that disturbs me a bit, you said “hubby has been kind enough to give me some spare money every month”. That sort of implies you don’t get to decide what happens in the family as an equal partner? Have I got that right?

If that is the case it’s no wonder you value your financial independence. Maybe not all the issues are yours. If I’ve misunderstood I apologise

I would like to hear how you get on

Croix

[Sejal]

Hi Croix

Thank you for your comforting words. It means a lot given my circumstances.
I have decided to seek help as the further I wait, my family suffers along with me. I and husband, we make all family/ financial decisions together, we shop together, it’s just that I sometimes can’t afford nice things for myself ( I am not a spend thrift person ) and I don’t ask because I don’t want to burden my husband as he is the sole income earner. I have been used to having my own money ( my own hard earned money ) and without job my bank account is not the same and my ego does not let me ask it out to my husband.
I very well realise the issue is with me 😔

[Croix]

Dear Sejal~

It's good to hear from you again. I can understand how suddenly becoming financially dependent can be difficult for you. You sound like a person who feels strongly about making a contribution to the household.

The fact is of course you are making an enormous contribution, finances simply cannot be compared with a child, a person you will both love all of your lives and it is a most uncomfortable and at times downright unpleasant experience while you are pregnant (this information comes from my wife, I have no first hand knowledge:)

Seeking help for oyur feelings is an excellent idea. My causes of depression were very different to yours and I made the mistake of trying to go it alone for far too long. It made me harder to treat, and my family suffered all the way though as a result.

I'm glad you and your husband share financial decision-making and wonder if now would be a good time to tell him how you are feeling and let him be a support. As someone that loves you I'd be surprised if he did not realise you were not yourself, and telling him may relieve his worry while at the same time making him feel that he is a support - no small thing

It is never easy to tell anyone else, there is a very strong temptation to say nothing, something I know well. However trying by yourself simply mkaes matters harder. My improvement came when my wife and doctor knew the facts and after I received competent medical support.

What do you think?

Croix

[Sejal]

Dear Croix

Thank you for getting back again, talking is the hard part for me, recently I and dear hubby had an argument ( nothing big ) but even a smallest argument has a big impact on me, I become withdrawn and it stays with me for a while, but this time I wanted to make an initiative and talk to him how I feel after an argument and how it literally makes me feel insecure, anxious and depressed , the thought of starting a serious conversation itself costed me a sleepless night and hours of mental stimulation on how and what should I say, it is wierd, but eventually I did it and felt good about it though my pregnancy hormones make me emotional( thankfully he is a very good listener ).

I now see some positivity, I have an appointment on the 19th with the psychologist so hopefully things will really work out for me.

Regards
sejal

[Croix]

Dear Sejal~

Yes talking is very hard, and the build up to it, sleeplessness, anxiety, worrying it will end in disaster and all the rest makes it a very major undertaking, even if necessary.

So I'm delighted you were able to relay some of how you felt after even a minor argument and your husband listened. Do you think he is starting to understand?

Please don't feel you need to stop visiting here, we would like to know how you go, particularly with your first appointment

You are getting there -I'm glad.

Croix