Need some inspiration

[King_Geedorah]

Hey all

Ill give a little background about my situation. 
I am 28 years old and have smoked pot heavily since i was 15, a few years before that i had had an incident of some minor sexual abuse, during my years of smoking i was also taking many other drugs on the weekends but my 'go-to' drug of choice was pot. At around 16 i met a girl, she was a very good looking girl and at the time i was not interested in girls and just chilling with the boys and getting high, our relationship was a real rollercoaster, we knew how to push each others buttons and would end up in very toxic arguments. The relationship ended when i was 22 with her finding another guy and me getting extremly jealous and i threatened her over the phone, yet to me it was only words and it was an empty threat, i guess i was trying to make her feel some of the pain i was going through. She called the police and i spent a couple of nights in the cells, but this was the end of our relationship. I must add that the jealousy went both ways and it got too a point where i was not aloud to see my own friends even though i would give her all the freedom she wanted.

After that i started to distance myself from my group of friends as i felt that they where on her side, more too the fact that i didnt want to explain myself to my friends and she would tell them how much of an a-hole i was (im guessing). I started smoking pot on my own at home and eventually seperated myself from my friends, i lost all motivation, my sleeping habits got extremely bad and my eating habits even worse. I have put on weight which was almost an impossible feat of strength when i was a kid due to my fast metabolism.

Anyway, im sitting her with no job, no real friends, and guilt over my pass, i am not happy with myself at all. I have tried an antidepressant for a few months and it didnt seem to work. I guess i just need some tips to get out of this rut i have been in for so many years.

Thanks

[Michael1871]

Hey, King_Geedorah

 It was really good for you to tell your tale and seek some tips.  That in itself is the first step to getting yourself out of your rut.

It's also really great that you had a good understanding of your own present situation.

See what I am getting at here?  The biggest tip I can give you is that it is up to the individual to change themselves.  Things like anti-depressants and family and the support of your friends help with the process, but in the end it is up to you. 

This sounds rather daunting and by no means it is not easy.  You brought up the courage and self-belief that you could change by the very fact that you posted this on beyond blue for all to see.  Maybe the next day you might forget about it, or think that it was riduclous or stupid.  But it is this that you really have to fight and not your past.

All those things happened years ago.  You may feel that you are suffering now because of things that happened long ago.  But this is the now, the present, and the opportunity for you to make a real change.

Think about the things you once enjoyed and do them again [and not short term relief that would distract you but real things that gave you a sense of fulfillment].  If you can't think of things, find new things.  Try to find a hobby, volunteer or boldly look for a job. Once you can stand up, you can start walking somewhere.

If your old friends still have a problem with you, then I am afraid they are unlikely to change that sentiment. In fact, if anyone has any issues with you now because of that past incident, then that is really their own problem, isn't it?  You already know what you did and why you did it - you don't need to feel like you have to justify it to people who are not willing to even listen to your side of the story. Real friends would have made wrong judgements about you and would be willing to make amends now. 

In terms of your own guilt, that comes from within.  I personally think that the guilt may have come about because...

1. You are constantly reminded of your present situation when you look around the room or in the mirror

2. There are some past things you have not fully resolved.

In first case, seek support and get out there!  Make gradual positive changes.

In the second case, apologise to those you feel like you have wronged.  It doesn't matter how or what they respond with - it's about YOU overcoming your guilt.  Again, if they can't accept your sincere apologies, then they are not real friends.  Furthermore, let go of the past.  It is not an easy thing to do but you have to slowly train yourself to think "Okay, I did this in the past, but I'm not going to let it hold me back now!  What am I going to do today?  I'll try [insert new future prospect]."

 So the biggest tip at the end of the day - it is all about building your self-confidence and accepting yourself and your past. 

Thank you for reading this response.

[vip]

King Geedorah I would suggest you staying on those antidepressants as they take a lot longer then a few months to kick in. Also i would suggest getting a referral to a psych and get some help here for that smoking pot. Smoking pot long term is very detrimental to the brain. I used to date a guy who did this and he ended up stalking me when we broke up and put me through hell. doing that bit of time in jail is in the past now move forward and start fresh we have all done things we are not proud of speaking about myself here too . You really need the professional help here so please reach out to someone i really think that is the only way you will truly heal. Goodluck

[Blue_guy]

Hey mate.

I'm no expert but I can relate to some of what you said. I too smoked pot for a while. It was an escape for me but the thing was, once the buzz/high wore off the same problems and issues were still there. I was also unemployed for while.

Breaking the habit is hard. Same routine, different day. But if you stay the same things will always be the same. Change something for you, that will benefit you. Love yourself! 

I have recently rejoined the gym and started eating healthy and it is hard work. But I know it can only benefit me in the long run. Your mind changes and you feel better. As the mind changes, body and soul should follow. 

You can feel sorry for yourself or you can look in the mirror and tell yourself you will succeed. Small steps lead to bigger things.

You can do it. 

All the best buddy. 

[geoff]

dear King_Geedorah, sorry I'm a bit late in replying to you, so I hope that you still read replies.

Smoking pot or drinking alcohol are both catch 22 situations, because they both give an euphoria of pleasure, however too much of them destroys this feeling and can create problems with regards to friends, families or even work, so we ruin our relationships and friendship, simply because our minds are not thinking clearly enough to be able to talk in a logical way, and with this arguments develop and this makes us lose the connections we once had.

It's never easy to stop either of these drugs, because we then have nothing to fall back onto, that is we can't have another stubbie or puff of weed, so we then have to find another way that will get us through, and the others have mentioned some of them.

If your doctor prescribes you an antidepressant, it has to battle against these two other drugs, so the affect of them working is limited, so they probably won't work at all.

So this is a hard call on which one you want to use, and all psych's. would say to stop using pot and limit your alcohol intake, but this decision is never easy, especially where you are now.

I used alcohol while I was depressed and was frowned upon by the medical industry, and only eased up a great deal now because I have overcome depression, but this is your call, and you should look at the future, and even that's not easy while struggling. Good luck. Geoff.