Totally lost feeling lonely but not alone

[Spinningwheel]

Hi

This is my very first post, and in fact my very first type of anyhthing on how im feeling. I'm 52, married with two grown up children. I feel I have reached a point whereby Ive forgotten how to be happy. I dont know why and if I did I suppose i'd be able to fix it. I feel alone in my relationship yet im not alone. I know I have many things in my life I should be happy about yet Im not. Its getting to a point that Im just unhappy all the time. Im employed and have a good job and good income. Im even questionniing what sort of person I am. I've been a really good father and good husband. I dont even know if I know how to love people anymore, and all i seem to be doing is shutting the ones i need to care about further and further away. Each time my wife speaks to me about anything, be it finances, or children or anything, I interpret everything she is saying as "I'm not good enough" or Im a failure. I feel as though everyone expects more of me than what I can do, particularly financially. I really just want to be able to love my wife again, and my kids again. I dont know why I feel so miserable. I dont know why every little thing that goes wrong seems to be the biggest disaster in the world. I dont know how to just be happy again. Whilst financially we are Ok, I always feel that my wife expects more. I dont know if Im reading into things or not. When I can't provide more I start to feel as though Im being looked down upon.  Im just lost and I hate feeling the way I do. I just want to be happy, I just want to feel loved not just have people say they love me. I dont want to feel like a failure. I really hate the way I feel and hate the way Im shutting people out of my life.   

[Jo3]

Hi Spinningwheel

I understand exactly what you're saying because I do the same thing to my husband and children.  I shut them out, I want to be alone and everything my husband says to me I take it that I am the one at fault. And it could be something so trivial but I take it instantly as a huge problem and it's my fault.  I also have been questioning myself at times, wondering who am I and what do I want in my life.

I feel that you need to see a counsellor or a psych just to help you out.  It seems that you may be suffering depression.

I've been seeing a psych for 3 yrs now for depression, anxiety and borderline personality disorder and now I can see how my reactions are affecting my husband and children.  But it took me a while to figure this out.

 Please see someone, your GP can refer you to a psych.

Good luck, let us know how you go.

Jo

[Ashlee]

Spinningwheel

It seems as though you are going through a hard time right now, and you're feeling as though you don't know who you are as a person, or that you have lost all control and sense of yourself. To be happy, you need to surround yourself with friends/family and start doing things that you enjoy, whether it's reading books, or making models of things. When you find yourself doing things that make you happy, you will start to see a brighter, happier side to yourself. You will find yourself again, and remember who you are as a person. Your friends and family love you no matter what, and will always be there for you. So will websites like this, where you can reach out and get advice. 
I hope this helps you.

[vip]

Hi spinningwheel you have the symptoms of depression here please go and see a GP dont ignore the signs. Take care