Hey all, didn't know where else to turn to with this stuff. Things just
haven't been going too right lately. Will try and water this down so not
to go into too much detail but that might be hard. Firstly I have
suffered through depression, anxiety an...
View more
Hey all, didn't know where else to turn to with this stuff. Things just
haven't been going too right lately. Will try and water this down so not
to go into too much detail but that might be hard. Firstly I have
suffered through depression, anxiety and mild bipolar since I was around
17. Things turned bad when I was 18, with various incidents leading to
self harm, cutting and eventually suicide attempts. I was medicated and
things eventually calmed down and things seemed to be 'healed'. In
saying that, it was always 'there', but I managed it. I'm now 26, and
earlier this year things started to rear their head again. I got a full
time job that was unrelated to my ideal career and I was forced into
leaving it in the second week due to severe anxiety and panic attacks.
This happened about 12 months ago as well in another job, but at that
stage I thought it was an isolated incident. I put a lot of pressure on
myself to reach my dream job, and given I have been graduated for 2
years now without getting a job on my degree, it's been stressful. There
is a long story related to my work issues, but that's not the main issue
I'm posting here today. My anxiety attacks lead me to go back to the
doctor for my issues for the first time in 8 years, where I prescribed
anti-depressants and recommended for a psychologist. Initially I felt as
though she helped, but in the end it was hard to tell given I had left
my job and that at the time was the only real issue. The
anti-depressants I was on also affected me badly more so than good, with
various mental issues and other physical side effects. My GP recommended
I go off them which I did. Things seemed to be just sitting at a
'normal' level. Recently though this has changed when it has come to my
mental well being and emotions. I should mention I have been in a long
term relationship for a while now, but recently my feelings for my
partner seem to be diminishing. I recently met another person who I have
connected with online quite a bit, we chat pretty much every day and
have become very good friends. We have met in person and basically I
feel as though she has become one of, if not my closest friend since
I've gotten to know her. Gradually I found myself having feelings for
her, and eventually really discovered that I was in fact in love with
her. This has then diminished my feelings for my current partner where
I'm not sure if I am in love with her still. Things with this other girl
were just going fine, I wasn't going to tell her my true feelings as
past experiences had always gone bad for me in that case (related to my
previous bouts of depression when I was 17/8) and there was no need for
me to say anything. Things came to a head recently though when a
conversation basically made the 'truth' come out in that she found out
that I liked her. Since that night, things did turn a little weird, and
then it amounted into a couple of days of non talking. In these last few
days I literally haven't stopped thinking of her every single second, I
have a knot tied in my body that I can't shake and I was literally
obsessing, checking to see if she was online and then waiting for her to
message me. We went 2 days without talking which basically was the
longest I had gone given we had literally talked every day for over 2
months. It was killing me. I was trying to not go out of my way to
message her and 'give her space' but I caved tonight and messaged her.
Things were fine, we were joking around like old times but I asked if we
were 'cool' and she basically fobbed it off and asked me not to ask
things like that. I then asked if she wanted to Skype which she said
yes, before coming back and making up an excuse that she couldn't. Long
story short...I know that by me admitting to a 'crush' on her (which is
all she thinks at this stage), things have gotten weird. And basically
the whole point of me spilling this out is that I just can't shake these
feelings and it's killing me. So badly, I can't function on a day to day
level and I feel urges coming back inside of me that I had back when I
was younger and it scares me. It does. I know the option is to seek help
but honestly that hasn't helped me in the past and I just don't see it
helping this time. I feel as though maybe I should give the
anti-depressants another go (I still have the packet and script for
refills) to see if they work now that I actually have issues. I also
just am so goddamn lonely that I just need people to talk to. Another
part of everything that is building up is that all of the people close
to me in my life have left interstate or overseas so I literally have to
troll the internet for intervention that never comes. I know I'm a
'desperate' person so to speak when it comes to attention and that i'm
'needy' but this is just such a terrible situation that I'm in right now
that I just don't know what to do. It's taken a lot of courage for me to
post on here and I feel as though I'm only telling part of the story,
and even then it's way too damn long. It would just be great to meet
people to chat to through this experience to try and help me get through
it. Any help would be greatly appreciated
Hello! Read this if you're not sure how to get started
